[EP] The Worst Birthday

[st_abby]

Of course, everybody had birthdays - even if they didn't know what day it was on the calendar, that didn't stop someone having them. Vax'ildan hadn't honestly thought much about it, until Joanna had got talking when to plant what one afternoon amongst the herbs in her garden. Seasons, months, weeks, days... They were different in this world from what Vax knew. Nevertheless, when he stopped to do a bit of his own math, he thought it must be very near his own birthday in Exandria.

Their birthday. His, by only a couple of minutes, and then Vex'ahlia's.

It seemed a stupid thing to get hung up about. But once it (she) had wormed its way into his brain, his heart, he couldn't get it (her) out, and it became a crushing reminder that Vex could be lost to him forever. He didn't have much in the way of distractions, and the more he tried to forget about it, the worse it had got until he sank into a drowning sulk. He avoided everyone and everything including his mirror-matched room, effectively vanishing for a few days on end, until gravely admitting that the only way out might very well be through.

Which is how he ended up sitting in the one corner of a booth in the cafe, armor exchanged for a simple sleeveless tunic and loose pants from Songrun, staring at the empty seat across from him with arms folded on the table in a bit of a hunch.

"Get us a drink," he told the passers-by mirthlessly, without so much as turning to look at them or stopping to count how many he'd had already. Did it matter? "It's our birthday."

Comments

[st_abby]

"...Alcuin?" Vax looked up at him as if surprised to see him there, which he sort of was. His eyes were red-rimmed, a bit bloodshot, but at least they were dry by now. "I mean, sure. Yes. Have one with me."

[st_unning]

"I've been learning to mix drinks," Alcuin said. "Why don't I make us both something?" He put a hand lightly on Vax's shoulder. "Something sweet, perhaps? Do you trust me?"

[st_abby]

"I... Will drink whatever you put in front of me right now," Vax told him, reaching to squeeze Alcuin's fingers. He smiled, of a sort, but it looked as pained as anything. "All of it."

[st_unning]

Alcuin's expression softened, and he nodded. "Don't go anywhere," he said.

He returned a few minutes later with two drinks. He set one of them in front of Vax and kept the other for himself as he slid into a chair beside him. His intention had been to make Vax's drink delicious but weak on the alcohol. His own was a bit stronger.

"There, have a taste," he said.

[st_abby]

Vax looked at the suspiciously sophisticated concoction, in stark contrast to his brooding mood. "What is-" But then he stopped himself.

"No, nevermind. This is me trusting you," he swallowed dutifully.

[st_unning]

"I thought you might like something that would taste good," Alcuin said. "Not all of the liquor in this place is delicious."

[st_abby]

"Yes, well. I wasn't really drinking for the flavor of it. I was drinking for... To get stupidly drunk," he explained. He could hardly even taste the booze in the fruity thing Alcuin had made him.

[st_unning]

"And I think you're well on your way," Alcuin said pleasantly, but then his expression softened a bit and he asked, "Do you want to talk about it? If not... it's fine. I can just keep you company while you drink. I'll even bring you something stronger if you want." After all, Vax seemed determined anyway. Alcuin could at least keep an eye on him, make sure he got back to his room okay.

[st_abby]

That was Alcuin all over. Sweet, gentle, pleased to give but not wanting to intrude. He might've thought it was an act, but for the circumstances. No, Vax supposed some people actually were that good, which was both reassuring and harrowing at once.

He set the fruit-drink aside, but he had a big swallow of water before he looked back up at Alcuin. "I have always been very close to Vex'ahlia - my sister," he couldn't remember if he'd spoken of her to Alcuin or not. "We've never been apart for more than a couple of days, and I was a miserable bastard about it even then. This..." He cast out his hands to gesture in vague frustration at the Inn around them, though any other words stuck in his tightened throat. This was a far greater remove, for longer, and with no plan, no agreement, to see them reunited. He just shook his head.

[st_unning]

"Oh Vax," Alcuin said gently. "Of course you miss her. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a connection like that to someone. I'm sorry."

He hesitated, not wanting to make it about himself, but also wanting to offer some empathy (and perhaps some distraction from Vax's own misery).

"I have a sister," he said. "Well... sort of. An adopted sister, I guess you might say. I do miss her. Mostly I hope that she escaped from the fate that befell Anafiel... and myself too, I guess." Though as soon as he said it, he wondered if he ought to have thought ahead of time as to how he might explain how Phedre could be a sister but he did not think of Anafiel as a father... well. Too late.

[st_abby]

"Was she very much like you?" Vax didn't think about the words as he said them. He wasn't wanting to know or implying that she was a sex-worker exactly. But he wasn't excluding that either. Due to the whole not-thinking on account of his pickled brain.

[st_unning]

Alcuin looked thoughtful, not entirely sure how to answer that. "Well, we look nothing alike. She has very dark hair, dark eyes. Beautiful. And clever. She struggled with learning from books compared to me, but more cunning. And though she felt a sense of debt same as I, she was in Naamah's service for the right reasons."

[st_abby]

"Sometimes, it's the ways you're different that mean the most," Vax suggested with the unfounded wisdom of the soused. "I'm sure you made a complementary pair."

[st_unning]

"Perhaps so," said Alcuin with a little smile. "Do you want to tell me about your sister?"

[st_abby]

"I could," Vax agreed, expression growing more earnest. "I could tell you... She's smarter, and more charming, and... More caring than I am. I could tell you... How sharp and witty and cool she is." And how, even for being real, it was part of the front she put up to hide her insecurities behind. How lost and vulnerable she'd been, when they were younger. But always so brave, and loving, and true. "I could tell you how she raised up a baby bear cub that had lost its mother years ago, and that's how she's got an enormous brown bear all in armor that would do anything for her."

He smiled, genuinely, but it still came out painfully sad. "But she really wants to be known as the pretty twin." Which she absolutely was.

[st_unning]

The emotion coming off of Vax was heartbreaking and familiar. This was why Alcuin had spent weeks mostly in bed after arriving here. After Anafiel's death. And it gave him pleasure to talk about him, the good things, but also made him so horribly sad.

"She's even prettier than you?" Alcuin said with a little smile. "I hope to meet her."

[st_abby]

"Loads prettier," Vax lied pleasantly. They were strikingly similar as far as looks went. But she certainly wore hers better. Vax had never cared nearly as much.

"I hope so too," he added more quietly, letting himself savor the selfishness in it for the moment.

[st_unning]

"Do you think she would like me?" Alcuin asked, a wry little smile on his face, a hint of teasing. Not wanting to pull the conversation away from his sister, but wanting to keep Vax out of his own head.

[st_abby]

It was a surprisingly impish question, and Vax huffed a soft little chuckle back at him, reaching across the table to cup Alcuin's cheek. "You are possibly the single most likeable person here. You really are." The drink was clearly loosening his tongue, but that wasn't to say he was being insincere. "Of course Vex would like you. Who wouldn't?"

[st_unning]

Alcuin hadn't been expecting a real answer, and the sincerity of the compliment actually made a blush spread across his face. Which was easy considering how pale his skin was.

"Oh, I - someone, I'm sure." Which was a weird answer, but he didn't know what to say, except to thank him for the flattery. And meanwhile, remind himself how Vax had no interest in him beyond friendship.

[st_abby]

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," Vax thumbed the pink of Alcuin's cheek before letting him go again.

[st_unning]

Alcuin smiled sheepishly. "You're very kind, Vax." It made him think again of how in Terre d'Ange so many people only liked him because of his appearance, not knowing much else about him.

Because it seemed a fluid change in subject and maybe Vax could use thinking of something else he said, "And it's nice to be valued for something other than my appearance." Then, because it made him think of him, "Do you know Ignis? Tall... dark glasses... knows how to cook things other than chicken."

[st_abby]

"Iggy? Sure I know him," Vax agreed, not knowing how they'd got around to talking about him, but not minding either. "We hiked through the jungle of that other-world, Song... Songrun, it was. And he keeps us fed with all those...non-poultry...foods. What you said."

[st_unning]

"Oh that's right," said Alcuin. "I forgot you were both in that group. Well... Ignis doesn't know what I look like." Well, he had a much better guess now, by touch. "I didn't realize how nice that would be, after so long being judged for my appearance - both good and bad."

[st_abby]

Vax listened to this, fumbling it over in his woozy mind. "Are you... Sweet on him, Alcuin? Or is it him on you?"