strangetrip | [EP] The Worst Birthday

Of course, everybody had birthdays - even if they didn't know what day it was on the calendar, that didn't stop someone having them. Vax'ildan hadn't honestly thought much about it, until Joanna had got talking when to plant what one afternoon amongst the herbs in her garden. Seasons, months, weeks, days... They were different in this world from what Vax knew. Nevertheless, when he stopped to do a bit of his own math, he thought it must be very near his own birthday in Exandria.

Their birthday. His, by only a couple of minutes, and then Vex'ahlia's.

It seemed a stupid thing to get hung up about. But once it (she) had wormed its way into his brain, his heart, he couldn't get it (her) out, and it became a crushing reminder that Vex could be lost to him forever. He didn't have much in the way of distractions, and the more he tried to forget about it, the worse it had got until he sank into a drowning sulk. He avoided everyone and everything including his mirror-matched room, effectively vanishing for a few days on end, until gravely admitting that the only way out might very well be through.

Which is how he ended up sitting in the one corner of a booth in the cafe, armor exchanged for a simple sleeveless tunic and loose pants from Songrun, staring at the empty seat across from him with arms folded on the table in a bit of a hunch.

"Get us a drink," he told the passers-by mirthlessly, without so much as turning to look at them or stopping to count how many he'd had already. Did it matter? "It's our birthday."

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They'd nearly reached the building and Steph slowed to a halt, leaning them both against the wall so she could face him. "Have you ever been apart from her this long? Or...had anyone else than her that you were this close to?"

The wall was nice. Very nice. Stable and solid and he could lean on it and no one would tip over including him. "Never more than a day or two. Not since we were born," he answered as best he could. He thought of trying to avoid looking Stephanie in the eyes, but it seemed useless, inevitable, and he'd gone and done it already by then. His eyes were dry, if red and swollen, but more mournful than a child whose puppy had been run over by a wagon.

"Vox Machina, they're... We're a family now, the kind you make for yourself. But not like me and Vex. No one has ever been like Vex, but... Vex'ahlia."

Steph dropped her hand from his waist to lace her fingers with his. "It wounds amazing, having someone that close. I'm an only child, so I know that I don't...really get it. I wish I could. I wish I could meet her."

She didn't know what separation meant but she recognized the hurt in his eyes. She'd felt it herself - a dozen times a day, a hundred days - when she'd realized that she couldn't keep her child. It was the feeling of losing a piece of yourself, of having that piece somewhere in the world that you could never see or touch.

Time healed, but she remembered the hurt.

"Does it help to talk about her?"

"Yyyyyes," Vax suggested, but reluctantly, eyes trailing to where her fingers had got caught with his. "And also...no. Does that make any sense at all?"

She didn't answer immediately, thinking about the question seriously. "I think so. Talking about it makes missing her more real. It's easier to keep it all inside."

Stephanie took a breath, then smiled deliberately. "Well, if it ever feels like it would help, I like hearing you talk about her. So...feel free."

"Well, I like... That you like... Hearing me talk about her." He squeezed her hand gently. "So thanks for the offer."

She shrugged lightly. "Ready to get moving again? Or am I going to have to carry you up the stairs?"

He skewed a smile at her. "If not for the very real possibility of my getting sick on you - right out, I know, I know. But if not for the sick, I would very much like to see you do that."

He carefully pushed off of the wall for now, anyway, using the link of their hands to steady his balance so they could continue along.

"Next time." He maybe weighed about what she did, especially out of his armor. A fireman's carry would have been easy enough. But Steph was just as happy to guide him over to the stairs and help him up. His balance was better than she expected, honestly. Elven grace maybe? Or acrobat's grace. Dick had this same kind of possession.

As they reached his door, she glanced over at him. "Do you have your key on you?"

It didn't occur to Vax that he should offer it up until she'd prompted him. Then he patted at his clothes, still one-handed, coming out from a hip pocket with his card a moment later. He plugged it into the door slot obligingly.

Steph shouldered the door open and propelled Vax through it. Then she stopped and frowned at the dual beds that faced each other by the window. He was a mess already. Was she really going to let him sleep with the reminder of his missing sister right there?

"Vax...are you going...I mean, do you want...I could stay. Take the other bed, I mean."

"Sad, isn't it? Just like the whole...twin...thing," Vax acknowledged quietly, looking at the beds with their reflected accessories. His resident ghost didn't seem to be wisping about - sometimes Maggie seemed to sense his mood and leave off of him for a while, which suited him perfectly well tonight. Quiet as a tomb.

"I'm drunk enough and exhausted enough so that my hearts... My heart's very nearly stopped bleeding to look at it," he informed her of his great accomplishment, slurring a bit around the words. He dropped his key card (probably on purpose) on an end table. "And once you leave, I'm going to do terrible things to that bathroom. And also, to drink my weight in water. And then to sleep like the dead. And then, when I do wake up a mess... The very last thing I want is to think for a moment or two that..." He stopped himself before he finished. Or forgot himself.

But Vax did remember Steph in the next beat, eyes still downcast where he hadn't turned back to look at her. "If it's all the same to you," he whispered with the edge of a rasp lodged in the words, "I think you'd better go."

His heart may have nearly stopped bleeding but hers ached for his pain. Still, she smiled and nodded. "It's okay. I was just worried."

She set the water bottles she was carrying on his bedside table, then turned to him. "If you need anything, give me a call." Then, despite the fact that she knew it was a bad idea, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He probably wouldn't remember it in the morning anyway.

"Good night, Vax."

His face was somewhat numb and flush from the drink, but he did feel the brief press of her soft lips - or thought he did. He'd do a lot of wondering over it, later.

"Good night, Steph."

[EP] The Worst Birthday

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