[Log] Vax & Percy + Vax & Vex - Devils and Angels - Backdated to Nov 12th + Nov 16th

[st_abby]

In which Vax'ildan has Complicated Feels, Broods, and subsequently receives advice from the devil and angel on either shoulder.

Vax'ildan was very good at avoiding people when he wanted to avoid them. He didn't try to skulk around the residents of the Inn in general, not usually. He liked most of them, and the ones he wasn't decided on were all of them at least interesting. They needed the entertainment of one another when they could find it, and he was mostly glad for the company.

But Vax had been decidedly absent in the days immediately following the uncomfortable exchange with Steph, should anyone have thought to look for him. He hadn't done much sleeping or eating, for that matter. He just wanted to be left alone, to try and figure out what the fuck was going on with him.

Eventually, he admitted to himself that he needed food, an actual meal, and that meant the cafe. He picked up one of the plates that Ignis had set out for the usual scavengers without really looking at it, and took it to a table in one far corner of the room. He had a few forced bites to stop the twisting of his stomach, then settled into a thousand-yard-stare that lasted until the food went cold.

Percy likewise had been scarce, mostly because he'd been carefully filing down the gears he needed for his newest project. At least, all the times that Vex had not required his attention for some other reason. The ability to stop and spend time with Vex was still the most cherished part of this exile. He wasn't certain how long he'd been working this time, but he was very aware that his body was demanding food. A short shower first, then Percy wandered down to the cafe.

It wasn't hard to spot Vax, which was perhaps one of the very few times that such a statement could be made with any accuracy. Nor was it difficult to tell that he was upset about something. That, on the other hand, was much easier to spot, even for those who didn't know Vax well. Percy gathered his own meal and a couple bottles of beer before going to join Vax at his table. He set one in front of Vax. "Care to share?"

Vax only turned his head when Percy spoke, registering him, then the beer, then the plate of... Chicken, of all things, with veg and mashed potatoes. He hadn't noticed before.

"To share something, you've got to have a hold of it first," he said, taking the beer he was offered without tasting it. "I don't know what to say or what to think, and I definitely don't know what I'm doing," Vax added.

Percy took a bite of chicken as he considered that. "Perhaps you could begin at what caused all this?" He gestured to Vax and the abandoned food and, now, beer. "I know you rather enjoy having your dark moods but something usually triggers them in my experience." This was really Vex's job, or Pike's. But neither of them where here at the moment and should they be needed, they were only an earring away.

He had half a mind to say 'something something pot kettle something' in reply, but Vax spent the time having a thoughtful look at Percival instead. He thought maybe he needed to talk to someone, and there was a strange appeal to confiding in Percy. Percy, who had comforted him on the worst birthday he'd ever had. Percy, that had fallen in love with his sister and seen that love through to find himself loved in return. Percy, that loved Keyleth as dearly as he did, through an intimate friendship if not as lovers. Even if he didn't understand what Vax was going through now, he would understand where he was coming from, and that was significant.

When Vax realized he'd been looking at Percy too long without speaking, he came out with, "Do you know, I didn't realize that I was waiting to love Keyleth until she touched my heart and showed me? I wasn't sure I ever could love someone, until that moment that I felt it for the first time." A tumble in the Underdark. A completely unguarded smile. The clasp of her gentle hand, her fingers so long and slim, so seemingly delicate, but guiding an incredulous amount of power. His voice, usually somewhat melodic, was coming out so thin now that it sounded as if it might break at any moment.

Percy was too much of a cynic to do more than smile briefly at the mention of his best friend. Because Vax wasn't brooding from missing Keyleth, he was nearly certain of it. Vax missing someone looked entirely different, as Percy was intimately aware from waiting for Vex to finally arrive. He took off his glasses and cleaned them carefully, considering his response. It didn't have to be much, but it did need to be enough to keep Vax talking. "I...felt the same. And I thought about how little I deserved something that good in my life."

Vax had a sip of the beer he'd been brought to clear his throat. He didn't get into what Percy deserved or why, or how it related to his sister. That was known well enough, and he didn't begrudge them their happiness. But he did have to wonder how, why, if Percy could have Vex... "When I first got here, I thought I saw her around every corner. I expected her with every arrival day. I was sure that if any couple could be reunited, be it by faith or fate or whatever, that it would be us. That it was meant to be, forever, or until the end of our days at least." And there had been others, too, brought together with their old loves. It wasn't impossible, even if no one could say how it happened.

Hope, Percy thought, was a cancer. An absolute disease that poisoned the heart of you and ate away everything good. Hope kept you from facing reality. And yet, Percy could not tell Vax that he should give up his faith in Keyleth. She could tear open the spaces between planes and cross worlds with a thought. If there was anyone to put hope in, it was Keyleth. Percy's hand trembled as he picked up his beer. "It's not impossible. We don't know how time flows here, how different it is from Tal'dorei. She may not have had the time yet to locate us."

"I could only have to wait five more minutes to hold her in my arms," Vax's voice wavered. "Or I could wait five thousand years, and never see her face again." Vax didn't believe that. He would see Keyleth again, some way, somehow. He had complete faith in that. But Percy's hunch was right. That wasn't his problem, not quite, though it certainly made things worse.

"Percy, what if-" He cut himself off, chewing at his lower lip for a beat. When Vax looked back up, it was with a sheen of wetness in his eyes. "What do I do, if my heart changes? If I feel... If I feel something, and it's not with Keyleth? What does that make me? A liar? A betrayer? Am I just weak?"

Percy's blue eyes went flat and hard. He understood now. This wasn't about Keyleth at all. It was about that girl. "It's not weak," Percy said, because it was the right thing to say. "But I think...I think you'd need to ask yourself if you're really feeling...something. Or if you're transferring missing Keyleth into a false emotional response. You have known and loved Keyleth for... for years. She's been our friend, our companion and your love. You have a good heart and that makes you want to like and trust people. Don't mistake that for what you feel for Keyleth."

Vax drank from his bottle solemnly. He'd thought at first it was just... Boyish fancy, or loneliness, that had made Stephanie attractive to him. He liked her, as a person. He liked her as a person very much. She shone like a star in the night sky. But he'd come to think that it was less fascination and admiration, as it had been with that handsome mage Gilmore, though there was something of that in it. Less restless lust, though he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought of her in that way. He wanted to know her, to learn everything that could make her smile. When she smiled, when she laughed, even when she frowned with disappointment, he... It... He felt something. And it was getting worse instead of better.

Not that she knew him. Not really. And once she did, maybe she wouldn't want him anyway.

Keyleth had known him, been there for so many things that shaped them all, even if their actual romantic relationship had been a new thing when they'd been parted. He hadn't forgotten that. He hadn't stopped loving her.

Percy may have blackness embedded deep into his heart where they tended to overlook it. But Percy was also fucking smart. Vax just didn't know if he was right or not.

His attention had gone a thousand yards off from the table again.

Percy allowed Vax to have his thoughts for a time, instead focusing on eating his own meal, and occasionally putting a bit of food into Vax's hand to see what he'd do. It was important to be clear of purpose, especially in a place like this where you could be drawn into a false sense of unreality. Percy, of course, was perfectly willing to suppress and deny his own emotional responses to things in order to do what needed to be done. But Vax was more emotional and letting him dwell could prove just as problematic, concentrating the emotions instead of burying them.

So it was several minutes later when Percy interrupted Vax's thoughts again. "What you need is a new distraction. It's not particularly shocking that you would be looking for a temporary bandage on missing Keyleth, but there are surely better ways to find it. Acting on whatever it is that you think you're feeling will just hurt you...and the girl," he added as an afterthought, "when you come to realize this is a shallow fancy."

When the loaded fork or a bit of roll was pushed at him, Vax would absently take what he was offered and pile it onto his own plate, obviously not thinking through what he was being given or why. He had nearly a whole roll stacked into a tiny boulder on top of a piece of skewered chicken by the time he'd got back to talking again. "You're wrong about Stephanie," he answered quietly. "...But I don't want to hurt anybody."

"Eat something," Percy said, instead of arguing. He wasn't wrong, of course. He rarely was. But arguing with Vax in a mood was usually pointless. "Absence from Keyleth is the problem here. Perhaps you should also avoid the girl for now. See if it fades. Perhaps take up a new hobby."

He looked up at Percy more directly, frowning as he moved to stand from the table. He liked Percy, mostly. They were friends. But there were times he couldn't help but be reminded how much a stuffed shirt noble he was, even now. "She's not a toy, Percy. She's a person. A perfectly charming person. No matter how fucked-up and turned-around I might be, that's not on her."

Percy bit his tongue, recognizing that self-righteous tone in Vax's voice. Instead, he took a sip of his beer, deliberately forcing a causal moment into the tension. "I wasn't suggesting that she was. You don't want to hurt her. Staying out of her company will remove the temptation. That's all I was suggesting."

Vax just stood there, still for a moment, feeling out the tangle of his head, his heart, his gut, not knowing which went where. He knew Percy didn't like Steph (or what she represented, at least). Vax couldn't blame him, really. But Percy didn't have to like her to make a fair point. "Maybe," he said grudgingly as he turned to go. "Thanks anyway, Freddy."

"Be well, Vax." Percy returned to his meal, feeling that had been fairly successful.

************

Vex and Percy had been able to put the question of Vax aside to enjoy their leisurely afternoon at the beach, but that didn't mean Vex had forgotten her brother was more a mess than usual, or that Percy's 'suggestion' probably hadn't helped as much as he thought it would. So once they were back at the inn, she'd kissed Percy thoroughly and left him to his metal shaping, telling him good luck and to have fun. A walk through the kitchens provided her with simple food: bread, cheese, fruits, and one of the carafes that kept drinks warm for hours full of real hot chocolate (not the kind that started as a packet of powder).

When she got to Vax's room, the best place to start looking for her brother and bear, Vex paused for a moment with her ear pressed to the door to listen. Just barely making out a snore, but not who it came from, she used her keycard to let herself into the room, moving as stealthily as ever as she set her bounty down and then to the bed where Trinket and Vax were curled up having a bear nap. She stretched out on the other side of Vax, one arm draped over him to give Trinket a scritch.

Trinket was always and forever Vex's bear, but Uncle Vax had grown plenty fond of him over the years too. Many had been the days spent traveling when the bear had been equal parts pillow, heater, and guardian as they slept. Vax had never had such a good night's sleep as when he figured out that Trinket would maul anything that wished his sister harm, and that it was well and truly safe to curl up in the familiar smell of Trinket's fur (kept far cleaner than that of a wild bear to be sure, but animal nonetheless) for a rest. It brought him a similar comfort now, whatever else was going on in the maddeningly complicated world of bipedal people.

And if one or the other of them snored, or slobbered a bit in their sleep, well - they could easily be forgiven.

Vax blinked his eyes open as he felt someone approach their pile on the bed, and sighed sleepily as the welcome arm reached across to stroke the great shaggy mountain Trinket made. He closed his eyes again, wiping the side of his mouth and snuggling closer against the bear. "Welcome back, stubby," he mumbled.

"Not too much with the 'stubby's, brother, or I'll forget I'm forgiving you." There. Let him stew over that a moment or two. He deserved that much at least, and it was a good way to broach what was likely going to be a delicate subject. Brood-and-glooming himself away. Turning to Percy for advice instead of her. Listening to Percy's advice.

Oh. Right. She was forgiving him. Good to remember that. "I even brought hot chocolate."

Vax opened his eyes again, brows cinching a bit as he tried to connect the dots. She had to forgive him for something, but then, she'd brought drinking chocolate, so Her Ladyship was being gracious about it indeed. She only came unceremoniously armed with treats when she wanted to make him feel better about something.

He did shift, then, sitting up and turning around to look at Vex from a pair of black sweatpants and one of those sleeveless tops that were so popular on both men and women here. "What exactly are you forgiving me for, dear sister?"

There. Now she had his attention. "For nearly ruining a perfectly lovely, romantic picnic at the beach, that's what. Fortunately for all of us, Percy remembered he adores me." From the tray on the bedside table, she grabbed a piece of fruit. "Have a banana," she ordered matter-of-factly. Really. Vax had always been lean, but without his armor, she could see just how skinny he was letting himself get.

He took the banana she brandished at him, though Vax didn't hurry to unpeel it. He turned it around in his hands instead, looking at it intently. "I nearly ruined your perfectly lovely, romantic picnic at the beach without even being there."

"Yes." Another sign how deep Vax had gotten into his brood. Vex busied herself pouring them mugs of creamy chocolate to drink. "You're meant to be eating that, you know. Can't have you wasting away on me."

"I won't." It wasn't petulant, so much as a promise, softly spoken. "Percy told you what we talked about, didn't he?" Hence the chocolate and the pushing food at him. That was worried Vex, not angry Vex, even if her tone was brisk.

"He did," Vex agreed, turning her attention from the drinks back to her brother. "As much as I love him, and as clever as he is, you do realize Percy's an absolute idiot about some things, right? You can't take everything he says to heart."

Her brother just stared back at her for a long moment, unease plain behind his eyes, then looked back down at the banana when it felt like too much. "It's Keyleth, Vex. We were meant to be. I shouldn't even have questioned it." The implication being that he'd come around to thinking that Percy was right after all, at least this time.

When it became obvious the twins weren't napping, Trinket rolled over and sniffed the air. He smelled... ooh, berries. He arooed hopefully, and Vex reached over her brother to set a bowl of berries on the bear's belly.

"Have you been? Questioning it?" Getting Vax's feelings filtered through Percy's disdain for Steph wasn't the same as hearing from Vax what exactly he'd been feeling and thinking. "Percy said you were feeling... confused, about what you were feeling. And for whom."

"No. I haven't. Not my feelings for Keyleth." Much as he loved his sister... And he did, literally more than breathing. Vax still didn't especially want to talk to her about his love life, or his lack of one. That was the one thing they'd ever been allowed to have for themselves alone, what little romance there ever had been for a pair of highly suspicious twins grown up too young. So his sullen demeanor made his words come with the conversational equivalent of dead-weight foot-dragging along the way.

"Maybe I've been questioning what I feel for Stephanie," he finally admitted. Mostly to Trinket, who seemed disinterested compared to the berries on offer.

It was easier sometimes, talking to Trinket. Vex knew that better than anyone. He kept your secrets and didn't offer any judgment. At least Vax was talking about it. So Vex lay back on the bed and mostly addressed the ceiling. "I think Percy's wrong about Stephanie. I like her." She loved Keyleth like a sister, there should be no question about that any more. Sure, she'd been opposed when Vax first started mooning over their very beautiful druid friend, but she'd been afraid she was going to lose her best friend, brother, most important person in her life. Now... now it was easier to believe Vax would always be part of her and her life.

Vex didn't like many women in the context of romancing her brother. Even Keyleth, whom they'd known and fought alongside for years, her heart so pure and full of love, had been a hard sell. When Vex said that she approved of Steph, Vax's head jerked up a bit from where he'd been hanging his look at the grizzly snuffling eagerly towards the bowl on his belly. He still didn't quite look back at her, but it was clear she'd got his attention.

Putting down the banana, Vax picked a few berries from the bowl and held them out for the giant pink-and-black tongue that quickly lapped his palm clean. (Or at least licked the berries off, his hand not exactly clean with a thick sheen of bear saliva.) He put his hand back to the bowl for more. "...Am I wrong? If I have feelings for someone who isn't Keyleth? Doesn't that make me a terrible person?"

He was confused, after all. He just wasn't confused in the way that Percy had suggested.

"I'm not saying you should throw yourself at her, or declare your love after some truly idiotic near brush with death." With Vax, it was more possible than most might expect. "But I don't think avoiding Stephanie completely is the right answer either. Especially if you're confused about what you might be feeling for her." She sipped from one of the mugs, using the time to try to put her thoughts in order. The whole situation was a mess. Feelings were hard.

"I think... I think we can't control our hearts. You love Keyleth. You know that, and so do I. Keyleth knows. And Stephanie knows too. Maybe what you feel for Stephanie will be more like what you feel for Shaun. You don't know what you feel yet. I don't think that's good or bad; it just is. And that's scary."

"I'm afraid," Vax admitted quietly, forgetting to feed the bear until the nudge of a demanding snout reminded him, "of what will happen if I even open myself up to the possibility of things changing from what they were before. And I feel like an asshole on Stephanie's behalf. I don't even know what to say to her anymore, or how to act. Where to begin."

"When have you ever known how to act around a pretty face?" Gentle teasing, although really, he could be hopelessly awkward at times. Twice as much when he thought too hard about it. "I don't know what to tell you to do, brother. We don't know what the future holds - if Keyleth will find her way here, if we will return home, nothing will change, or something we can't even imagine yet. But I would not see you miserable the rest of our lives, or making yourself miserable."

Vax popped a few of the berries into his own mouth as Trinket smacked his muzzle with pleasure, not caring at all where that hand had just been. He nodded, to show he'd heard her, but that was all.

Vex shook her head over the whole situation. How had their lives gotten so much safer and yet more complicated at the same time? "This would be so much easier if you'd fallen in love with Zahra instead. Then I'd know what to tell you. But I... Do you want me to talk to Steph? See what she's thinking or... I don't know."

"Are you saying I should send my sister to talk to a girl for me?" He turned back to her, making a face to show what he thought of that.

"Not should per se." She wasn't his procurer or the like. "But you have to agree, I'm better at people than you, darling. And I'm not confused about any feelings for Steph, so I'm much less like to put my foot in it, or get flustered by her pretty face. Especially if she's confused too. Which she may be. Have you done anything particularly stupid around her lately?"

"I'm already pretty fucking stupid, so it's hard to tell," her twin groused without any heat in it. "...I don't know. I just haven't done very well at explaining things yet. I haven't decided if it's worth saying anything at all."

Not saying anything for a long moment, Vex studied her brother with the eyes of the one who knew him best, and she wished she could say she was surprised by what she saw lingering behind his eyes and in the tension of his wiry frame. Vax liked Stephanie. He liked liked her. And was being Vax about it all. "Oh, for fuck's sake. You walked away. You got all awkward, and did something or said something that came out wrong. Or you didn't say something completely normal you should've. Freaked out, and walked a-fucking-way. And now you're hiding from her, because of course. And then you had to go and take advice on feelings from Percival Liking-Me-Would-Be-a-Terrible-Thing-for-You-So-I'm-Going-to-Pine-in-Secret-Say-Nothing-and-Make-You-Clever-Toys de Rolo III, because that couldn't possibly be a bad idea."

Men were idiots. Look at all the trouble they made when they didn't listen to Vex. She rubbed her temples against the slow throb that was developing behind her eyes. She was going to have to talk to Stephanie, if only to explain her brother was an idiot. Then she laid a hand on her brother's arm. "Feelings don't always care about what is right or smart. They just are. And if you feel them, you feel them."

Vax's eyebrows hitched, stunned momentarily speechless after her tirade. Because...well...yes? He was still scrabbling for a sensible reply when she laid her hand on his arm.

"Sure," he said lamely after another beat once she'd stopped talking, his face relaxing. He reached to fold his hand over her forearm, looking into her eyes and giving her a squeeze.

Vex's gaze held his, and she nodded slightly. "Sure," she echoed.

A beat. Two. "Now eat something, scrawny. Skin and bones and feathers is not a good look."

He smiled, not just with his lips, but with his eyes and an unclenching slump of the stiffness that had been running through his shoulders. He might not know much about what to do with his feelings, but Vax was absolutely sure of his love for Vex. That had never changed, and never would.

Then he picked up the banana she'd given him earlier, getting about the business of disrobing the peel from the rest. "Thanks for letting me borrow your bear. He was very good company. Isn't that right, Trinks?" He bit off the end of the banana, and lifted the bowl, tipping it so that said bear could help himself to what was left of the berries.

"Trinket is always good company. He's the most excellent of bears." Vex would know. He was her bear. But she was glad he'd helped Vax. She reached over to give him belly pats as he finished off the berries. "Even if all you want to do is brood. But I think it's maybe time we stretch those legs a bit, huh, buddy?" Let Trinket and Vex both breathe fresh air and get their blood moving, and give Vex time to think about the latest conundrum of what to do with her brother.