Sam Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
st_andingtall) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
strangetrip2018-02-07 09:49 pm
st_andingtall) wrote in strangetrip2018-02-07 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
[Log] Soulgazing - Sam and Molly
Sam thinks he's probably kissing Molly goodbye when he tells her about him and Bo. Instead he gets a soulgaze and more.
When: 2/7/2018
Where: Molly's room
Talking to Caroline had not gone well.
The deeply bruised part of him (that he was sure was white, male, privileged, and a stupid asshole on top of it) would have preferred to put off talking to Molls. Possibly forever. But he and Molls had promised that, no matter what, having sex wouldn't fuck up their friendship. Whatever he had to do, he'd do. Grovel, if that was what it took.
At least, he was pretty sure she wouldn't want him to wear a hairshirt or run through cactus fields, so that was a start. And a reason to meet her at her room with a bottle of whiskey, instead of outside somewhere in case of disaster.
He knocked on her door. "Molls, it's Sam. You there?"
Molly felt the apprehension before she heard Sam's voice through the door and wondered at the cause of it, but she gave nothing away. She opened the door with a wide smile, "hey what's the nice surprise?" She motioned for him to enter her room and that's when she noticed the whiskey. Something was definitely up, but she wouldn't cheat and she'd let him tell her in his own time and way.
"I'd ask why I need an excuse to share a bottle of whiskey with my best friend, but I've heard there's no real point to lying to an empath," Sam answered and gave her a tired but fond smile. "I need to talk." He realized he really really did just badly need to talk, but that wasn't all, and he wouldn't take advantage of his best friend that way. "And I need to talk to you. I should probably do the first part first. Drink?" he offered as he pulled the door shut behind him.
That never boded well, but first and foremost, come hell or highwater, Molly wasn't going to fuck this up with Sam. "Drink and talking sounds good. You know we can talk about anything." And she meant that. While he shut the door and came in her room, Molly went to get a couple of glasses for them. "There's no point in lying to an empath and there's really no point in lying to a wizard that can take a walk through your mind." Not that she would with Sam without permission...yeah that was a lie because if she felt she truly needed to, Molly wouldn't even hesitate a little bit to walk through his head.
"What's up?"
Sam poured the whiskey and decided he wouldn't fuck this up the way he had with Caroline. "It's me and Bo. We realized we're more serious than we thought. But she knows how I feel about you, too." Which was...entirely different than what he felt for Caroline. "She's not monogamous, so she doesn't expect me to stop being with you, and I don't want to." He really didn't want to. "But it has to be up to you and I'll respect whatever you decide."
Molly wanted to say is that all, but she knew Sam and she didn't even need to be an empath to know why the apprehension. "Sam, I want to be a part of your life no matter how." Though to be honest, if Sam wanted to be exclusively with Bo, Molly would have respected it but it would have been hard. Harder than seeing Kash and his love and that wasn't easy, but that was more pride than emotion. This would have been emotion.
"I don't want to stop being with you, either." She reached over and used her fingertips against his jawline. "But and I want you to be totally honest with me moving forward, if it ever changes, if you find it hard to be in a poly and you only want to be with only one - " her lips curved, "never lie to an empath."
"Are you sure?" The words flew out of his mouth before he could even think about any of it, because fuck fuck the thought of losing Molly had been killing him. He caught her hand and turned it over, kissed her wrist and looked up, just below her eyes. "If you Soulgaze me, are you going to see everything about Bo and Caroline, or just me?"
"No, just you and you'll see just me. I won't even see your memories. I will see the real you, your true self." Molly was suddenly nervous, not sure what he'd see because she hadn't soulgazed with anyone since becoming the Ragged Lady and the hell that she'd been living in Chicago. Her breath was a little shaky when she continued, "it's very intimate because of learning the other person behind all the masks, if you add in emotion like us, it might get intense."
Sam pulled Molly across the space between them and onto his lap. He slid his hands into her hair, cradled her face and kissed her hard. "I'm not scared of what I'll see or what you will. But if you want to wait to see how things go with me and Bo being more serious and still being with me, so it doesn't make our connection even stronger, I'm okay with that." Then he just hugged her, hugged her tight, because he wasn't going to lose her like he'd lost Caroline and right now, nothing else mattered. "You don't have to shield around me, though. I don't want my feelings to be a surprise to you."
Her forehead rested against his, some of the weight gone from her shoulders, but only some, as she luxuriated in the feel of his arms around her. She shook her head, "no I want to do this because you should know what you're getting into." She didn't want walls or defenses or secrets and if he figuratively ran screaming into the night, she'd rather have it happen sooner rather than later when more emotion was involved. Then her lips quirked, "and I haven't shielded around you since you knocked on the door. Or I guess the more accurate is that I'm always shielded so I don't get overwhelmed in the Inn, but less around you tonight since you stepped inside my wards."
Molly always had wards up around her hotel room. It wasn't to keep the supernatural (and others out) like in Chicago, it was to have a 'safe space' where the emotions of everyone on her floor wouldn't become wrapped around her. It was her own Fortress of Solitude.
"Okay." Sam ran a hand down her back and rested it, splayed against her lower back supportively. "Before we do it, I need you and I to be clear on labels and stuff. I'm going to tell my mom the truth about the poly thing, because it's way too awkward and confusing otherwise. But are you going to be okay with Bo being the girlfriend and you being the best friend?" It was weird, trying to talk about this, trying to understand what was different between them. "Because I love you, and I think you know that, but I'm dating her."
Molly had to give him props because no way in HELL would she have ever told her parents. Ever. But then if she became the Winter Lady, being in a poly would be the least of their concerns. "Bo is wife number one." It was good to be both flippant and serious. Flippant being her automatic defense and what she was the most comfortable with. You could blame Harry for that. "I do love you, but I'm also a realist. One day you'll leave or I will, or we could be here forever. There aren't any guarantees, but there are two things I want out of life here, my best friend to be happy and me to be a part of your life no matter what that part is. If it means that I'm the best friend with Bo the girlfriend, then it does."
The similarities of the situation between her, Harry and Sam weren't lost on Molly. Just call her Sisyphus with one exception well two if you count the sex. "If I start to feel your emotions toward Bo are changing but you don't want to be the bad guy and kick me out of the poly, I'll do it for you." Sam, like Harry was too kind for his own good sometimes but Molly wasn't. Do the job that needed to be done no matter the cost. It also probably wasn't lost on him that the assumption on her part was that the feelings would grow with Bo and lessen in regard to Molly.
"And if my emotions towards you are getting stronger instead of weaker?" In Sam's mind, that was the more plausible situation. He wouldn't love either of them less, or he'd fall deeper for Molly because they'd always had this bond. "Because Molls, Bo might be wife number one, but she's not wife number more important to me." Which was dumb and flippant and not his usual language for relationships. It got him in trouble.
"It's just...Caroline wasn't into this, and I don't blame her. Our relationship was different from the start. We said it was no feelings, no strings, and I tried to stick to that, because I thought it would be less complicated and...it wasn't. I don't want to make that same mistake with you. There are feelings, even if I'm going to agree to no strings in case you decide you're not down with this poly thing."
Molly leaned in to kiss Sam gently, before she pulled back with a soft smile. "Wives 1a and b then. And if your feelings for me get deeper, then that's great, too. I just want you to always be honest, even if you think it will hurt." She really hadn't gone into Ragged Lady much but how she'd looked when she arrived probably gave him a clue, very gaunt and a little haunted. "I have gone through hell and walked out the other side. I'll be okay, promise. For Caroline, it probably had to do with her past than the present situation. Not that I know what that is for her, but we all bring our past to any relationship, strings or not. I'll be honest, if Kash had proposed this when his love came, I would have done the same thing as Caroline. Even if the truth was that he saw us the same, in my mind I would be second best and that's a hell that can twist you. Give her time. She'll need space and don't be surprised if she throws herself into her work more." She trailed her fingers through his hair, "and don't bother with the no strings, the strings are already there, but it's the good kind of bondage." She winked.
Strings had begun to be strung the moment Molly had met Sam and they'd talked about their lives. It hadn't broken through Rebekah, it hadn't broken or even frayed as he grew closer to Caroline and Bo. Molly was confident there wasn't a thing that Sam could do or say that would change that.
At I have gone through hell and walked out the other side, Sam gave her a pained look. He'd literally gone to hell and back, and come back not exactly the same person. But she'd see that. "Okay, I won't bother with no strings, but... no hard feelings. We keep the same rules we've always had. The friendship comes first. Anything that fucks with that gets jettisoned yesterday."
This was so easy, so comfortable compared to Caroline. Maybe it hadn't been just that they'd said no strings. Maybe it'd been because it was always prickly. Or something. Whatever the reason, it was super-easy to say, "Me and Caroline and Bo had a thing at New Year's. It was pretty great. And if you decide you like her and that happens..." Sam blushed a little then, but it was Molly and it wasn't likely she was going to miss the flash of heat through him thinking about it. "I'd be okay with changing things up to make us a trio or whatever."
"Sam Winchester." Molly teased, "I didn't know you liked threesomes and if it turns out Bo and I like each other, I would be okay with a replay with you." It was actually not anything Molly had ever done before, but it wasn't anything that she'd rule out either. "And it's a deal. Friendship comes first always." It was an easy promise to make because putting friendship first meant putting Sam first and that was simple. Molly did that anyway.
"I didn't either," Sam protested, laughing a little. It wasn't exactly the sort of thing hunters had a lot of time for, taking an entire night to get off half-a-dozen times with two different people. "But, c'mon. Every straight guy's thought about it at least once, and I'm having great sex with two women who both like sex with other women. I'd have to be dead not to think about it." Because she was right there and he could now, he trailed a single hot kiss from the base of her neck to her pulse. "Let's do this Soulgaze before I decide I'd rather get you naked." He was mostly teasing, but she was sitting conveniently right over his crotch.
Molly leaned her head to the side, while she enjoyed the feel of his lips on her neck. A large part of her wanted to distract him with sex so he wouldn't see her soul, but that wouldn't be fair to him. He had to know her, the good, the bad and mostly the ugly, before he truly made the decision to include her in the intimate part of his life. She didn't think that he would cut her off from him after he saw her, not their friendship, that wasn't Sam. But to not include her in the relationship with Bo that was a distinct possibility. She tugged his lips up to hers, for what might be the last time and then whispered, "let's do this thing so I can get you naked later."
Sam grinned under the kiss, but sobered at the bittersweetness of it. He was sure this was supposed to be some super-serious looking each other in the eyes with your hands kept to yourself kind of moment, but everything Molly'd said about it told him she was scared of what he'd see, and that it was more intimate than sex. Hands to themselves, sitting at stoic distances? Not happening.
Instead, he tugged her down, rearranging them on the couch until she was supported with her back against the couch and her front against him. He held her with his bottom arm, and with the top, stroked her hair back behind her ear before cradling her jaw. Trusting, he lifted his gaze to hers and murmured, "Okay, tell me what I need to do."
"Not a thing." Molly assured Sam, but took a deep breath before she focused her eyes and let the soulgaze begin. She felt the familiar tug of it beginning but knew that Sam wouldn't feel anything but be a little disoriented wondering what the hell when things shifted around him and Molly's room disappeared.
The garish red room slowly faded into the bridge of the Starship Enterprise as if to transition from one photo to another in a slide show. The red hadn't faded completely however, but instead of it being a part of the decor, it was a flashing red light accompanied by a computer generated female voice saying "Red Alert". There was a soft whoosh sound that accompanied the opening of doors onto the bridge. Captain Molly entered and looked around at the other versions of herself scattered around at their positions. "Report."
Science officer Molly, an android with yellowish tint to her skin and golden eyes and a calm demeanor, spoke first. "Fomor ship approaches, Captain. They have resisted any contact and ignored our hails. If they continue on their current course they will intercept the UnSeelie Accords."
Captain Molly glanced at an empty chair that would have been occupied by her Number One. Instead, all that was there was a trench coat that had seen better days laid over the arm and a staff with wizard runes etched into it resting against the back. For an instant there was sadness around her, but the Captain straightened her spine with determination. "Fire over a warning shot that we mean business."
Before the warning shot could be fired, another ship suddenly appeared and fired its own shot at the Fomors. "Its the Svartalves." Ensign Molly said as she spun in her chair her abdomen clearly extended with child to face the Captain, but in doing so knocked over a hologram of herself with her family. Happiness and love were easily reflected in the faces of her children right before the holopicture crashed.
"Is it, mon capitaine?" A voice echoed around the bridge but there was no body to accompany it.
Captain Molly huffed out an angry breath. "Not now, W."
"I sense hostility in the force." A very regal looking Molly with white blonde hair, dressed in a frost blue suit suddenly appeared next to the empty chair. "It could be the Winter Court disguised. The Svartlaves owe us a favor."
"The Winter Court never does anything that wouldn't benefit them first." the Captain pointed out.
"True." Winter Lady Molly agreed, before her smile became razor sharp and she reached out her hand, her fingers curved around empty air cutting off the air flow to all the Mollys in the room. "For now, it benefits us to help you, don't make me regret that decision." Her fingers tightened for an instant before releasing them.There was a collective gasp for air as the Mollys filled their lungs.
Ensign Molly protectively put a hand on her pregnant abdomen and grabbed the holograph of her family as she turned back around to look out toward the ships that were battling in front of them. The android's fingers continued to fly over the computer console raising the shield capacity to avoid debris. Captain Molly glared at the Winter Lady but didn't provoke her further.
Winter Lady Molly smirked and reached for the staff to twirl it in her fingers. In an instant, a previously locked door opened onto the bridge and a version of Molly that had created nightmares in strong men in Chicago appeared. Her form was gaunt, clothes hung on her that looked like they were ragged from months of wear and tear, but it was her eyes that caught your attention. They were dead, flat, except for a spark of madness in their depths.
"Don't touch that!" She didn't bellow but her voice seemed to reverberate around the bridge. Her hand came out and power crackled all around her. With a sweep of her hand, the staff that had been Harry's flew out of the Winter Lady's hand and back to the chair. Ragged Lady Molly approached the other being, anger in every line of her body. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
Before Winter Lady could react, Captain Molly raised her voice in command, "ENOUGH. You back behind the locked door." She pointed to Ragged Lady knowing she'd go back to her prison before she turned to the other Molly. "And YOU, quit playing cat and mouse. Help or don't but get the hell off my bridge."
"Oui, oui, mon capitaine." Winter Lady gave a mock salute before disappearing.
Captain Molly flicked a bird toward the space where the Winter Lady had been, before she nervously looked back toward the locked door.
"She is contained." Science office Molly said without emotion or looking up from her console.
Sam was looking at the myriad possibilities of Mollys at the crossroads.
What Sam felt when it started was like a milder version of his visions, without the blood, and with less dislocation. He knew from what Molly had told him to expect it to take over, but it was more immersive than he'd expected.
And Molly really hadn't needed to worry at all. It was probably wrong to enjoy the space of a Soulgaze, but Sam didn't feel like he didn't belong here. He knew the Captain, and recognized the Ensign as the Carpenter part of Molly. He understood Data, because both of them tried, but weren't very good at locking down their emotions or anyone else's. Winter LadyQ and Raggedy Lady in the closet both had a darkness to them, and a danger, that he intrinsically knew could be terrifying, downright soul-destroying, but they were parts of Molly that spoke to parts of him, and he could love them too.
He felt himself smile at her soul-center being the bridge of a starship, because it was so Molly, it was perfect.
His soul-center, the core of himself didn't have the bright, brilliant gleam of Star Trek's hope and goodness. Instead, it was Sam alone sitting beside a gargoyle in a cathedral lit by flickering candlelight with occasional patches of intense, kaleidoscopic colored light as cast from stained glass windows near, his feet.
He'd been praying, because there were prints from his knees in the deep dust before the altar. And the gargoyle at his side sometimes had Dean's face. At the moment, it had his voice, and it called him, "Bitch," but didn't stop there. "You're not supposed to save the monsters, Sammy."
"Somebody has to," perching Sam said, and the stained glass cast scene at his feet showed a woman chained to a rock and struggling. One pulled against her chains and her eyes turned yellow. She held out a hand and a mace flew to it. Before she could smash at the chains, she became another and blood poured down from the skies trying to drown her while she drank. Her wrist slipped free and she wiped the blood from her mouth, but then she was chained again, a different girl, shifting from animal to human and back again.
"They don't deserve to live. They're killers," said the gargoyle in deeper voices that weren't Dean's and sound like a Greek chorus of hunters.
"Not at all of them," Sam said and pointed. This time he was chained to the rock, and his mouth stretched into a cruel smirk, eyes empty of compassion.
"That one's not even trying," said the chorus. "He's a monster."
Kaleidoscopic colors whirled again and a knight in battered armor wore Sam's face and approached a dragon inspired by kaiju on foot with only a lance to protect himself. Battle joined and the knight and kaiju-dragon tangled until the knight's visor lifted to show teeth dripping with acid and the kaiju wore Sam's face.
"You have to fight it." This time the gargoyle had his own voice. Perching Sam couldn't turn to look to see if it had his face as well.
From the colored ground, another Sam rose up, with yellow eyes and reeking of power. He held out a hand, and the altar rail crumbled to dust. He flung up a hand and an angel statue tumbled to the ground and smashed. From the wreckage he retrieved a sword, and he floated toward Sam and the gargoyle.
Both Sams closed their eyes and demon-Sam's eyes opened again full black. Perching Sam jumped down and aimed the Colt at his other Self's forehead. "Get thee behind me, Satan!"
Demon Sam laughed, shrugged and got into line behind Sam with all the other Sams.
In front of him stood a crib surrounded by flame. In the crib, a baby who was not a baby worked a New York Times crossword in pen, and turned to look, "What's a seven-letter word for the son of Mary and John with O for the second letter and E for the second to last?"
All the Sams stood over the crib together, bleeding into it. Behind them, the gargoyle had grasped the shoulders of a maiden who was blonde and brunette, and sometimes a mother. Sam turned and shot the gargoyle in the forehead.
"You can't save them all, Sam," a voice echoed through the space of the cathedral, but it came from the gargoyle.
All the Sams had merged into one. "I have to try."
It took Molly a minute to process what she was seeing, but she knew it would be easier on her than on Sam as she'd been through quite a few soulgazes. She walked further into the cathedral, a feeling of familiarity for her and it didn't surprise her a bit that Sam was trying to save the 'monsters'. It was what he did, save everyone. Rather than interact with those around her, she just watched and listened, while she took everything to heart. When Demon Sam entered, Molly understood that she'd had nothing to fear when he saw Ragged Lady. She had been certain that the person that she'd been in Chicago before the Inn would make an appearance in some way in her center. There was a darkness and power there that she truly understood and could relate too. It gave her a better understanding of why she'd felt so comfortable with him on their first meeting. Perhaps they saw it in the other without realizing it.
The soulgaze slowly faded with Sam's voice echoing in her ear as she came back to her room which was a little disorienting to say the least but comfortable in Sam's arms. Now they could look into each others eyes without going into a soulgaze. Once done, it didn't occur again.
"You okay?" she asked a little nervously, but not as nervous as before she'd seen his center.
Sam offered her an easy smile, stroked the curve of her jaw, and kissed her again. "Nothing's changed, Molls. I've known Winter Lady and Ragged Lady existed for as long as I've known you. Demon me is Winter Lady's equal, and soulless me might as well be Ragged Lady. We fit together, and we always will." It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility to say they were soulmates, but it was hard to say that when he felt what he did about Bo, without making that seem less than it was. "Relationships are confusing, but you and me? Not confusing at all."
There was so much relief in Sam's words, she hadn't realized how much until the tension eased from her muscles and her mind. Truthfully, Molly never thought she'd find someone like Sam. As much as she loved Harry and she would always love Harry, she was under no illusion that he would ever return that emotion. Harry was the only one that had truly understood the darkness and the light in her. Even Lea with her tutoring and Mab whatever the hell game she was playing didn't see the whole picture of her. Sam did and he hadn't run screaming into the night. It was a miracle in her eyes and one that she would never fuck up. That was more precious than anything. "You and me, not confusing."
She leaned in to kiss Sam again. "And worth keeping no matter how." Molly didn't care how their relationship evolved, as long as there would always be one.
If this had turned out differently, Sam would have understood. As much as he hated how things had gone with Caroline, wished it could've been different, he didn't blame her. It just made him that much more grateful for Molly. "Thank you," he murmured against her mouth and then rolled them over to put her beneath him, buried his hands in her hair, and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones. "I don't know what I would've done... thank you."
As she tangled her legs with Sam's, Molly realized that there were so many things in her life that were tangled and screwed up, but this wasn't one of them. "I'd say you're welcome but I should be the one thanking you for seeing me, all of me, and still wanting me to be a part of your life. I don't just mean the soulgaze, but that,too. You met me in a low point in my life when I was a little batshit crazy, with a small light at the end of the tunnel." Her experience with Sam's center came into focus and of him wanting to save the monsters and she smiled. "I kind of like having my own personal Don Quixote that tilts at windmills. Of course I'm not sure if I'm Dulcinea or Sancho Panza."
"I'll always see you, Molls," he told her, voice soft and kisses sweet. "And you're beautiful, all of you." For a long minute or two, he let himself appreciate finally being able to look her in the eyes, and then he chased another kiss, half-laughing. "You know he was completely mad don't you?" As his hand slipped beneath her shirt to untuck and pull it up, he teased. "You couldn't have chosen someone with a little more sanity and a little better success rate?"
When: 2/7/2018
Where: Molly's room
Talking to Caroline had not gone well.
The deeply bruised part of him (that he was sure was white, male, privileged, and a stupid asshole on top of it) would have preferred to put off talking to Molls. Possibly forever. But he and Molls had promised that, no matter what, having sex wouldn't fuck up their friendship. Whatever he had to do, he'd do. Grovel, if that was what it took.
At least, he was pretty sure she wouldn't want him to wear a hairshirt or run through cactus fields, so that was a start. And a reason to meet her at her room with a bottle of whiskey, instead of outside somewhere in case of disaster.
He knocked on her door. "Molls, it's Sam. You there?"
Molly felt the apprehension before she heard Sam's voice through the door and wondered at the cause of it, but she gave nothing away. She opened the door with a wide smile, "hey what's the nice surprise?" She motioned for him to enter her room and that's when she noticed the whiskey. Something was definitely up, but she wouldn't cheat and she'd let him tell her in his own time and way.
"I'd ask why I need an excuse to share a bottle of whiskey with my best friend, but I've heard there's no real point to lying to an empath," Sam answered and gave her a tired but fond smile. "I need to talk." He realized he really really did just badly need to talk, but that wasn't all, and he wouldn't take advantage of his best friend that way. "And I need to talk to you. I should probably do the first part first. Drink?" he offered as he pulled the door shut behind him.
That never boded well, but first and foremost, come hell or highwater, Molly wasn't going to fuck this up with Sam. "Drink and talking sounds good. You know we can talk about anything." And she meant that. While he shut the door and came in her room, Molly went to get a couple of glasses for them. "There's no point in lying to an empath and there's really no point in lying to a wizard that can take a walk through your mind." Not that she would with Sam without permission...yeah that was a lie because if she felt she truly needed to, Molly wouldn't even hesitate a little bit to walk through his head.
"What's up?"
Sam poured the whiskey and decided he wouldn't fuck this up the way he had with Caroline. "It's me and Bo. We realized we're more serious than we thought. But she knows how I feel about you, too." Which was...entirely different than what he felt for Caroline. "She's not monogamous, so she doesn't expect me to stop being with you, and I don't want to." He really didn't want to. "But it has to be up to you and I'll respect whatever you decide."
Molly wanted to say is that all, but she knew Sam and she didn't even need to be an empath to know why the apprehension. "Sam, I want to be a part of your life no matter how." Though to be honest, if Sam wanted to be exclusively with Bo, Molly would have respected it but it would have been hard. Harder than seeing Kash and his love and that wasn't easy, but that was more pride than emotion. This would have been emotion.
"I don't want to stop being with you, either." She reached over and used her fingertips against his jawline. "But and I want you to be totally honest with me moving forward, if it ever changes, if you find it hard to be in a poly and you only want to be with only one - " her lips curved, "never lie to an empath."
"Are you sure?" The words flew out of his mouth before he could even think about any of it, because fuck fuck the thought of losing Molly had been killing him. He caught her hand and turned it over, kissed her wrist and looked up, just below her eyes. "If you Soulgaze me, are you going to see everything about Bo and Caroline, or just me?"
"No, just you and you'll see just me. I won't even see your memories. I will see the real you, your true self." Molly was suddenly nervous, not sure what he'd see because she hadn't soulgazed with anyone since becoming the Ragged Lady and the hell that she'd been living in Chicago. Her breath was a little shaky when she continued, "it's very intimate because of learning the other person behind all the masks, if you add in emotion like us, it might get intense."
Sam pulled Molly across the space between them and onto his lap. He slid his hands into her hair, cradled her face and kissed her hard. "I'm not scared of what I'll see or what you will. But if you want to wait to see how things go with me and Bo being more serious and still being with me, so it doesn't make our connection even stronger, I'm okay with that." Then he just hugged her, hugged her tight, because he wasn't going to lose her like he'd lost Caroline and right now, nothing else mattered. "You don't have to shield around me, though. I don't want my feelings to be a surprise to you."
Her forehead rested against his, some of the weight gone from her shoulders, but only some, as she luxuriated in the feel of his arms around her. She shook her head, "no I want to do this because you should know what you're getting into." She didn't want walls or defenses or secrets and if he figuratively ran screaming into the night, she'd rather have it happen sooner rather than later when more emotion was involved. Then her lips quirked, "and I haven't shielded around you since you knocked on the door. Or I guess the more accurate is that I'm always shielded so I don't get overwhelmed in the Inn, but less around you tonight since you stepped inside my wards."
Molly always had wards up around her hotel room. It wasn't to keep the supernatural (and others out) like in Chicago, it was to have a 'safe space' where the emotions of everyone on her floor wouldn't become wrapped around her. It was her own Fortress of Solitude.
"Okay." Sam ran a hand down her back and rested it, splayed against her lower back supportively. "Before we do it, I need you and I to be clear on labels and stuff. I'm going to tell my mom the truth about the poly thing, because it's way too awkward and confusing otherwise. But are you going to be okay with Bo being the girlfriend and you being the best friend?" It was weird, trying to talk about this, trying to understand what was different between them. "Because I love you, and I think you know that, but I'm dating her."
Molly had to give him props because no way in HELL would she have ever told her parents. Ever. But then if she became the Winter Lady, being in a poly would be the least of their concerns. "Bo is wife number one." It was good to be both flippant and serious. Flippant being her automatic defense and what she was the most comfortable with. You could blame Harry for that. "I do love you, but I'm also a realist. One day you'll leave or I will, or we could be here forever. There aren't any guarantees, but there are two things I want out of life here, my best friend to be happy and me to be a part of your life no matter what that part is. If it means that I'm the best friend with Bo the girlfriend, then it does."
The similarities of the situation between her, Harry and Sam weren't lost on Molly. Just call her Sisyphus with one exception well two if you count the sex. "If I start to feel your emotions toward Bo are changing but you don't want to be the bad guy and kick me out of the poly, I'll do it for you." Sam, like Harry was too kind for his own good sometimes but Molly wasn't. Do the job that needed to be done no matter the cost. It also probably wasn't lost on him that the assumption on her part was that the feelings would grow with Bo and lessen in regard to Molly.
"And if my emotions towards you are getting stronger instead of weaker?" In Sam's mind, that was the more plausible situation. He wouldn't love either of them less, or he'd fall deeper for Molly because they'd always had this bond. "Because Molls, Bo might be wife number one, but she's not wife number more important to me." Which was dumb and flippant and not his usual language for relationships. It got him in trouble.
"It's just...Caroline wasn't into this, and I don't blame her. Our relationship was different from the start. We said it was no feelings, no strings, and I tried to stick to that, because I thought it would be less complicated and...it wasn't. I don't want to make that same mistake with you. There are feelings, even if I'm going to agree to no strings in case you decide you're not down with this poly thing."
Molly leaned in to kiss Sam gently, before she pulled back with a soft smile. "Wives 1a and b then. And if your feelings for me get deeper, then that's great, too. I just want you to always be honest, even if you think it will hurt." She really hadn't gone into Ragged Lady much but how she'd looked when she arrived probably gave him a clue, very gaunt and a little haunted. "I have gone through hell and walked out the other side. I'll be okay, promise. For Caroline, it probably had to do with her past than the present situation. Not that I know what that is for her, but we all bring our past to any relationship, strings or not. I'll be honest, if Kash had proposed this when his love came, I would have done the same thing as Caroline. Even if the truth was that he saw us the same, in my mind I would be second best and that's a hell that can twist you. Give her time. She'll need space and don't be surprised if she throws herself into her work more." She trailed her fingers through his hair, "and don't bother with the no strings, the strings are already there, but it's the good kind of bondage." She winked.
Strings had begun to be strung the moment Molly had met Sam and they'd talked about their lives. It hadn't broken through Rebekah, it hadn't broken or even frayed as he grew closer to Caroline and Bo. Molly was confident there wasn't a thing that Sam could do or say that would change that.
At I have gone through hell and walked out the other side, Sam gave her a pained look. He'd literally gone to hell and back, and come back not exactly the same person. But she'd see that. "Okay, I won't bother with no strings, but... no hard feelings. We keep the same rules we've always had. The friendship comes first. Anything that fucks with that gets jettisoned yesterday."
This was so easy, so comfortable compared to Caroline. Maybe it hadn't been just that they'd said no strings. Maybe it'd been because it was always prickly. Or something. Whatever the reason, it was super-easy to say, "Me and Caroline and Bo had a thing at New Year's. It was pretty great. And if you decide you like her and that happens..." Sam blushed a little then, but it was Molly and it wasn't likely she was going to miss the flash of heat through him thinking about it. "I'd be okay with changing things up to make us a trio or whatever."
"Sam Winchester." Molly teased, "I didn't know you liked threesomes and if it turns out Bo and I like each other, I would be okay with a replay with you." It was actually not anything Molly had ever done before, but it wasn't anything that she'd rule out either. "And it's a deal. Friendship comes first always." It was an easy promise to make because putting friendship first meant putting Sam first and that was simple. Molly did that anyway.
"I didn't either," Sam protested, laughing a little. It wasn't exactly the sort of thing hunters had a lot of time for, taking an entire night to get off half-a-dozen times with two different people. "But, c'mon. Every straight guy's thought about it at least once, and I'm having great sex with two women who both like sex with other women. I'd have to be dead not to think about it." Because she was right there and he could now, he trailed a single hot kiss from the base of her neck to her pulse. "Let's do this Soulgaze before I decide I'd rather get you naked." He was mostly teasing, but she was sitting conveniently right over his crotch.
Molly leaned her head to the side, while she enjoyed the feel of his lips on her neck. A large part of her wanted to distract him with sex so he wouldn't see her soul, but that wouldn't be fair to him. He had to know her, the good, the bad and mostly the ugly, before he truly made the decision to include her in the intimate part of his life. She didn't think that he would cut her off from him after he saw her, not their friendship, that wasn't Sam. But to not include her in the relationship with Bo that was a distinct possibility. She tugged his lips up to hers, for what might be the last time and then whispered, "let's do this thing so I can get you naked later."
Sam grinned under the kiss, but sobered at the bittersweetness of it. He was sure this was supposed to be some super-serious looking each other in the eyes with your hands kept to yourself kind of moment, but everything Molly'd said about it told him she was scared of what he'd see, and that it was more intimate than sex. Hands to themselves, sitting at stoic distances? Not happening.
Instead, he tugged her down, rearranging them on the couch until she was supported with her back against the couch and her front against him. He held her with his bottom arm, and with the top, stroked her hair back behind her ear before cradling her jaw. Trusting, he lifted his gaze to hers and murmured, "Okay, tell me what I need to do."
"Not a thing." Molly assured Sam, but took a deep breath before she focused her eyes and let the soulgaze begin. She felt the familiar tug of it beginning but knew that Sam wouldn't feel anything but be a little disoriented wondering what the hell when things shifted around him and Molly's room disappeared.
The garish red room slowly faded into the bridge of the Starship Enterprise as if to transition from one photo to another in a slide show. The red hadn't faded completely however, but instead of it being a part of the decor, it was a flashing red light accompanied by a computer generated female voice saying "Red Alert". There was a soft whoosh sound that accompanied the opening of doors onto the bridge. Captain Molly entered and looked around at the other versions of herself scattered around at their positions. "Report."
Science officer Molly, an android with yellowish tint to her skin and golden eyes and a calm demeanor, spoke first. "Fomor ship approaches, Captain. They have resisted any contact and ignored our hails. If they continue on their current course they will intercept the UnSeelie Accords."
Captain Molly glanced at an empty chair that would have been occupied by her Number One. Instead, all that was there was a trench coat that had seen better days laid over the arm and a staff with wizard runes etched into it resting against the back. For an instant there was sadness around her, but the Captain straightened her spine with determination. "Fire over a warning shot that we mean business."
Before the warning shot could be fired, another ship suddenly appeared and fired its own shot at the Fomors. "Its the Svartalves." Ensign Molly said as she spun in her chair her abdomen clearly extended with child to face the Captain, but in doing so knocked over a hologram of herself with her family. Happiness and love were easily reflected in the faces of her children right before the holopicture crashed.
"Is it, mon capitaine?" A voice echoed around the bridge but there was no body to accompany it.
Captain Molly huffed out an angry breath. "Not now, W."
"I sense hostility in the force." A very regal looking Molly with white blonde hair, dressed in a frost blue suit suddenly appeared next to the empty chair. "It could be the Winter Court disguised. The Svartlaves owe us a favor."
"The Winter Court never does anything that wouldn't benefit them first." the Captain pointed out.
"True." Winter Lady Molly agreed, before her smile became razor sharp and she reached out her hand, her fingers curved around empty air cutting off the air flow to all the Mollys in the room. "For now, it benefits us to help you, don't make me regret that decision." Her fingers tightened for an instant before releasing them.There was a collective gasp for air as the Mollys filled their lungs.
Ensign Molly protectively put a hand on her pregnant abdomen and grabbed the holograph of her family as she turned back around to look out toward the ships that were battling in front of them. The android's fingers continued to fly over the computer console raising the shield capacity to avoid debris. Captain Molly glared at the Winter Lady but didn't provoke her further.
Winter Lady Molly smirked and reached for the staff to twirl it in her fingers. In an instant, a previously locked door opened onto the bridge and a version of Molly that had created nightmares in strong men in Chicago appeared. Her form was gaunt, clothes hung on her that looked like they were ragged from months of wear and tear, but it was her eyes that caught your attention. They were dead, flat, except for a spark of madness in their depths.
"Don't touch that!" She didn't bellow but her voice seemed to reverberate around the bridge. Her hand came out and power crackled all around her. With a sweep of her hand, the staff that had been Harry's flew out of the Winter Lady's hand and back to the chair. Ragged Lady Molly approached the other being, anger in every line of her body. "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."
Before Winter Lady could react, Captain Molly raised her voice in command, "ENOUGH. You back behind the locked door." She pointed to Ragged Lady knowing she'd go back to her prison before she turned to the other Molly. "And YOU, quit playing cat and mouse. Help or don't but get the hell off my bridge."
"Oui, oui, mon capitaine." Winter Lady gave a mock salute before disappearing.
Captain Molly flicked a bird toward the space where the Winter Lady had been, before she nervously looked back toward the locked door.
"She is contained." Science office Molly said without emotion or looking up from her console.
Sam was looking at the myriad possibilities of Mollys at the crossroads.
What Sam felt when it started was like a milder version of his visions, without the blood, and with less dislocation. He knew from what Molly had told him to expect it to take over, but it was more immersive than he'd expected.
And Molly really hadn't needed to worry at all. It was probably wrong to enjoy the space of a Soulgaze, but Sam didn't feel like he didn't belong here. He knew the Captain, and recognized the Ensign as the Carpenter part of Molly. He understood Data, because both of them tried, but weren't very good at locking down their emotions or anyone else's. Winter LadyQ and Raggedy Lady in the closet both had a darkness to them, and a danger, that he intrinsically knew could be terrifying, downright soul-destroying, but they were parts of Molly that spoke to parts of him, and he could love them too.
He felt himself smile at her soul-center being the bridge of a starship, because it was so Molly, it was perfect.
His soul-center, the core of himself didn't have the bright, brilliant gleam of Star Trek's hope and goodness. Instead, it was Sam alone sitting beside a gargoyle in a cathedral lit by flickering candlelight with occasional patches of intense, kaleidoscopic colored light as cast from stained glass windows near, his feet.
He'd been praying, because there were prints from his knees in the deep dust before the altar. And the gargoyle at his side sometimes had Dean's face. At the moment, it had his voice, and it called him, "Bitch," but didn't stop there. "You're not supposed to save the monsters, Sammy."
"Somebody has to," perching Sam said, and the stained glass cast scene at his feet showed a woman chained to a rock and struggling. One pulled against her chains and her eyes turned yellow. She held out a hand and a mace flew to it. Before she could smash at the chains, she became another and blood poured down from the skies trying to drown her while she drank. Her wrist slipped free and she wiped the blood from her mouth, but then she was chained again, a different girl, shifting from animal to human and back again.
"They don't deserve to live. They're killers," said the gargoyle in deeper voices that weren't Dean's and sound like a Greek chorus of hunters.
"Not at all of them," Sam said and pointed. This time he was chained to the rock, and his mouth stretched into a cruel smirk, eyes empty of compassion.
"That one's not even trying," said the chorus. "He's a monster."
Kaleidoscopic colors whirled again and a knight in battered armor wore Sam's face and approached a dragon inspired by kaiju on foot with only a lance to protect himself. Battle joined and the knight and kaiju-dragon tangled until the knight's visor lifted to show teeth dripping with acid and the kaiju wore Sam's face.
"You have to fight it." This time the gargoyle had his own voice. Perching Sam couldn't turn to look to see if it had his face as well.
From the colored ground, another Sam rose up, with yellow eyes and reeking of power. He held out a hand, and the altar rail crumbled to dust. He flung up a hand and an angel statue tumbled to the ground and smashed. From the wreckage he retrieved a sword, and he floated toward Sam and the gargoyle.
Both Sams closed their eyes and demon-Sam's eyes opened again full black. Perching Sam jumped down and aimed the Colt at his other Self's forehead. "Get thee behind me, Satan!"
Demon Sam laughed, shrugged and got into line behind Sam with all the other Sams.
In front of him stood a crib surrounded by flame. In the crib, a baby who was not a baby worked a New York Times crossword in pen, and turned to look, "What's a seven-letter word for the son of Mary and John with O for the second letter and E for the second to last?"
All the Sams stood over the crib together, bleeding into it. Behind them, the gargoyle had grasped the shoulders of a maiden who was blonde and brunette, and sometimes a mother. Sam turned and shot the gargoyle in the forehead.
"You can't save them all, Sam," a voice echoed through the space of the cathedral, but it came from the gargoyle.
All the Sams had merged into one. "I have to try."
It took Molly a minute to process what she was seeing, but she knew it would be easier on her than on Sam as she'd been through quite a few soulgazes. She walked further into the cathedral, a feeling of familiarity for her and it didn't surprise her a bit that Sam was trying to save the 'monsters'. It was what he did, save everyone. Rather than interact with those around her, she just watched and listened, while she took everything to heart. When Demon Sam entered, Molly understood that she'd had nothing to fear when he saw Ragged Lady. She had been certain that the person that she'd been in Chicago before the Inn would make an appearance in some way in her center. There was a darkness and power there that she truly understood and could relate too. It gave her a better understanding of why she'd felt so comfortable with him on their first meeting. Perhaps they saw it in the other without realizing it.
The soulgaze slowly faded with Sam's voice echoing in her ear as she came back to her room which was a little disorienting to say the least but comfortable in Sam's arms. Now they could look into each others eyes without going into a soulgaze. Once done, it didn't occur again.
"You okay?" she asked a little nervously, but not as nervous as before she'd seen his center.
Sam offered her an easy smile, stroked the curve of her jaw, and kissed her again. "Nothing's changed, Molls. I've known Winter Lady and Ragged Lady existed for as long as I've known you. Demon me is Winter Lady's equal, and soulless me might as well be Ragged Lady. We fit together, and we always will." It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility to say they were soulmates, but it was hard to say that when he felt what he did about Bo, without making that seem less than it was. "Relationships are confusing, but you and me? Not confusing at all."
There was so much relief in Sam's words, she hadn't realized how much until the tension eased from her muscles and her mind. Truthfully, Molly never thought she'd find someone like Sam. As much as she loved Harry and she would always love Harry, she was under no illusion that he would ever return that emotion. Harry was the only one that had truly understood the darkness and the light in her. Even Lea with her tutoring and Mab whatever the hell game she was playing didn't see the whole picture of her. Sam did and he hadn't run screaming into the night. It was a miracle in her eyes and one that she would never fuck up. That was more precious than anything. "You and me, not confusing."
She leaned in to kiss Sam again. "And worth keeping no matter how." Molly didn't care how their relationship evolved, as long as there would always be one.
If this had turned out differently, Sam would have understood. As much as he hated how things had gone with Caroline, wished it could've been different, he didn't blame her. It just made him that much more grateful for Molly. "Thank you," he murmured against her mouth and then rolled them over to put her beneath him, buried his hands in her hair, and ran his thumbs along her cheekbones. "I don't know what I would've done... thank you."
As she tangled her legs with Sam's, Molly realized that there were so many things in her life that were tangled and screwed up, but this wasn't one of them. "I'd say you're welcome but I should be the one thanking you for seeing me, all of me, and still wanting me to be a part of your life. I don't just mean the soulgaze, but that,too. You met me in a low point in my life when I was a little batshit crazy, with a small light at the end of the tunnel." Her experience with Sam's center came into focus and of him wanting to save the monsters and she smiled. "I kind of like having my own personal Don Quixote that tilts at windmills. Of course I'm not sure if I'm Dulcinea or Sancho Panza."
"I'll always see you, Molls," he told her, voice soft and kisses sweet. "And you're beautiful, all of you." For a long minute or two, he let himself appreciate finally being able to look her in the eyes, and then he chased another kiss, half-laughing. "You know he was completely mad don't you?" As his hand slipped beneath her shirt to untuck and pull it up, he teased. "You couldn't have chosen someone with a little more sanity and a little better success rate?"