strangetrip | Eggspecations (Closed to Peter, then Kitty)

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Eggspecations (Closed to Peter, then Kitty)

Liz had eventually found her egg and inside was her uniform from the Crashdown Cafe. It seemed like it had been freshly laundered, but there was no doubt that it was hers and not just some random uniform from the diner. For a few days she just left it alone, wondering what she was supposed to do with it. She wasn't about to wear it while she served people, if only because she was sure someone like Odo would be pretty upset by that, being an alien and all.

Her mind kept going back to how Peter had said he wished he saw what it looked like. Maybe the egg was more for Peter than for her. Liz decided it wouldn't hurt to show him.

She put on the uniform complete with antennas. It was almost surreal to see herself in the uniform after so long. She stood in front of a mirror for a while before she exhaled and headed out to find Peter. She was kind of hoping he was in his room so no one else had to see the uniform, but after a few knocks on his door, she figured he was out. She ended up walking around the inn longer than she had wanted to in her uniform until she found him. His back to her, she welled up the courage inside of her.

"Peter." She offered a sheepish smile.

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It wasn't that she couldn't say the word, Liz just realized as she was about to say it that it was so embarrassing. She had no idea what she was thinking to just, be standing there upset with her boyfriend and to have him do that.

"I know... and I will." At some point when she didn't want to spontaneously combust from embarrassment.

"Do you think... things will change. Between us?" Like they were going to back home with Max. Like they did when Tess arrived.

"Do I think you'll break up over it?" Kitty assumed that was what she meant, and shook her head quickly. "No. If I had to guess, Peter's embarrassed the same as you are, and it'll take a couple of awkward sentences of 'I'm sorry', 'There's nothing to be sorry for', 'I shouldn't have', 'Don't worry about it' and everything will be fine."

She shrugged and reached over to straighten Liz's hair, tuck it behind her ear. "Do I think it'll change things? Probably. But relationships have to change or they die. If you do it right, apologizing and getting over the awkward and talking about how you feel guilty for loving Max and falling in love with Peter and about where you both are with sex, your relationship will be stronger than ever."

It somehow seemed to simple the way Kitty talked about everything. Like, of course it was no big deal and yeah, it was just going to be a awkward, but no-big-deal kind of talk.

At the mention of Max, Liz glanced down to her hands in her lap. The worst thing that could happen to her right now would be for Max to show up - what would she say to him? What would he do? What would Peter do?

She pushed that worry out of her mind, not for the first time.

"I guess I'm worried, um. that I'm not, you know. Showing him enough that I'm, with him." Did that make sense? "I tried getting perspectives from some of the other guys here, but I don't think they think the same way as Peter at all."

"Liz."

Kitty sighed and turned Liz's chin so she was looking at her.

"This is really important, okay? So I need you to listen. And really think about what I'm saying. Can you do that?"

She looked to Kitty, paused, and then nodded. "Yes." Kitty looked like she was going to call her stupid. Kind of like when Alex was going to re-explain something to Maria.

"Okay, good."

Of course, now it meant Kitty had to figure out the words for what she wanted to say.

"First of all, you are with him. Everyone in this Inn knows that. So if Peter doesn't, he's an imbecile. Second, if for some reason he is insecure about you and Max, or about Alec telling him you should be having sex, or whatever the fuck reason he has to be insecure about your feelings, you do not owe him proof. Third, if you are worried that he does feel uncertain, then you talk to him."

And this was the most important part, so she paused and held Liz's gaze. "Under NO circumstances, EVER, do you owe ANY man, woman, or donkey access to your body, as PROOF of your feelings. Are we clear?"

She nodded quietly almost like verbally agreeing at that moment would somehow break the lecture/advice that Kitty was imparting. Much like before, everything she says makes sense. Why it didn't seem so obvious to her before, she didn't know. Life was confusing.

"Yeah. No, you're right." She was and while Liz had done what she did, she didn't think she'd have gone much further than that just to prove something. "I think that's why I feel the most embarrassed. That's not - that isn't like me. I know I'd only have sex when I'm ready, not because I have to." Otherwise she'd have been pressured by Kyle when they were dating. Of course, he had changed a lot since then.

"We all do stupid things when emotions get involved, and we turn into blithering idiots when you add hormones to that," Kitty said more lightly, since Liz was radiating Message Received, sensei.

"It's okay to make a mistake or act weird or be 'not yourself'. The test of who you are as a person isn't whether you fuck up or not. It's what you do about after you do."

Liz took all that in and stored it. She knew she was going to have to talk to Peter. She didn't want things to go weird or get bad. Still, it was going to be hard.

But since Kitty had brought it up, and it had been more and more on her mind lately.

"...What's it like?" She paused, then had a moment of panicked regret. "I mean, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to tell me, but I don't know anyone who's actually, um, had sex before, even though Kyle used to pretend that he had. So, I was just wondering..."

"What's what like? Sex?"

Kitty laughed but managed not to collapse into a complete fit of it. Barely.

"How much detail do you want? I mean, I can tell you honestly that 90% of everyone's first time is fast, messy and unsatisfying. I guess it might be better with another woman, but with a guy, unless he's a lot more experienced than you, he finishes and you're like '...that's it?' Like it's supposed to be this big deal but it's over before you even know it's happening."

She didn't mind talking about it, and that was clear. "It's just kind of big topic. Give me a direction and I'll do what I can."

She blushed. Liz had actually had been given a similar talk by Maria's mother and her own mother had started a similar conversation back home after she and Max had gotten caught in the eraser room. Liz did think, however, that her first time with Peter might be a little different. He wasn't exactly like most boys.

God, what did she want to know? Things she couldn't ask her mother, really. Things she and Maria wondered out loud to each other, but neither of them had the answer to.

"What's it... feel like? I mean - ." Okay, it was really embarrassing and hard, even with Kitty. "both like, the actual feeling of, um, sex. but also his..." Why was it so hard to say penis? It was just a body part and yet, saying it out loud seemed impossible. Maybe because if she did, she'd be picturing Peter and that would be uncomfortable around Kitty. Or maybe just because she was admitting to thinking about it.

Just say it, Liz

"...His penis?" And a flush of new embarrassment flooded her and she scrunched her nose in a wince and wanted to hide under the covers of the bed.

"First of all, let me just say, I have no idea what Peter's penis feels like and I hope I never do." Because oh dear God.

But she didn't want to give Liz the chance to choke on that response and went on to say, "Are you serious, you've never masturbated? If you don't know how to get yourself off, how is he supposed to figure it out?"

That...really wasn't the point either, but God this was awkward. She tried to pull herself back to a more productive place. She cleared her throat. "It's...when you're kissing, you know that ache, that feeling like there's something you need? Penetrative sex is really good at quieting that ache. It's not an emotional thing. I mean, it can be, but mostly, it's physiology.

"It might hurt a little at first of if he's really big, but then it just feels like... well, usually, for me it feels like 'oh thank fuck', like a drink of water when you're thirsty. An orgasm feels like you're wound so tight you're going to break and then you do and it's a relief and release."

God, she was doing a really bad job of this. She sighed. "The best way to learn what it feels like is to use your fingers or a vibrator." Oh, she'd asked that other question. Right. Uh.

"Penises feel...like really soft skin over a thick finger with no knuckles." Worst. Description. Ever.

This was... exactly like having this conversation like her mother. Liz's face reddened and she buried her hands in her face for a moment.

"No, no. I know what - I do." Okay, so it was really weird admitting to someone else that you touched yourself. She wasn't a prude or anything, but that sort of thing seemed like it should be private. Still, she didn't use anything like a vibrator. Apart from not being able to buy one easily in Roswell, if her parents caught one in her room, she would probably literally die on the spot. Plus there was something about penetrating oneself before her first time that seemed... well, not wrong, but she didn't want to until she was actually sexually active.

"I just... I've never really seen one except in health class and those are drawings for labeling parts and -" Maybe it didn't matter. She was probably over-thinking this. "I just... I didn't want to look stupid if we ever...."

Kitty took a breath. Okay. This was something she could handle. Clear question, safe territory. She nodded and reached for the water bottle she kept handy. After taking a sip, she lowered it and her hands to her lap.

"You won't look stupid. Not to Peter. You're going to look like the most beautiful, most amazing thing he's ever seen, because he's a sweet, goofy, romantic teenaged boy who thinks you're perfect exactly how you are."

She turned the bottle in her hands and looked at the faded Madonna Inn logo. A year's worth of water had come to her through this piece of plastic. Weird thought. But it felt symbolic, or metonymous for her situation.

"The truth is, penises are kind of funny-looking. Even when they're hard. There are just a couple of important things to remember. One, they don't bend well when they're hard and that's a good way to really hurt a guy. Two, the skin is sensitive, you can touch and stroke without lubricant, but if your hand starts moving fast, add something slippery. Three, ask him what he likes. Put his hand over yours or yours over his and have him show you. It's hot, for one thing, but for another, it's a good way to get acquainted with a penis. And four, don't forget the balls. Some guys aren't into it, but the testicular sac can be really sensitive and deliberate touching can give a guy a lot of pleasure."

Liz took all that information in and tried to process it. She wasn't sure she had the guts to get Peter to show her how to touch him. At least on the first time, but it made sense. Peter would definitely know his way around his own body. As for the testicles... she had no idea what those even looked like since the diagrams made them look like eggs on paper.

"Thank you... I know it's, um. It's probably weird talking to me about stuff like this, but... I really appreciate it."

"It's a little weird," Kitty agreed, and took the moment to push her hair behind her ears. "Mostly because I've never tried to think about it like this before, you know? Like a lesson." Most people just fumbled their way through until they figured out what worked, but it figured Liz wouldn't or Peter.

"You might ask someone else, too, someone like River Song. I'm not embarrassed really, but she's straight-forward about everything so she might be a good second opinion."

"Do you think... I mean, wouldn't it be weird if I just suddenly asked her without really, um, knowing her that well?" She thought it would be weird if a kid came up to her to ask her something more personal. Maybe River Song was a lot different though.

She paused. "Can I, um... can I ask one more thing? Only if you want to answer it, though."

"With anyone else in the world, maybe. River's... just different that way," Kitty replied and settled back on her hands. "And sure, fire away. At this point, I can't really think of much I wouldn't answer for you."

She filed away that in case she wanted to see out River. Liz was sure she'd have more questions.

"I get, you know, a lot of it. But, I was just wondering. What do I do when, um, when I'm able to make him-" Why was this so hard? Probably because it was just things that people didn't normally talk about. "What do I do when it all comes out. Of him."

"I take it back. Oh my god I take it back," Kitty said but then she burst into furious giggles. So furious it took her a solid minute to pull herself back together.

"Sorry. Sorry!" she said with a hand clapped over her mouth and an arm wrapped around her waist.

"Uh, I usually try to have Kleenex or a towel nearby so I can wipe my hand or my mouth. But it washes off, so it's not like there's a huge rush or anything." Peter Parker was not going to be the guy who tried to make her taste his semen or anything weird like that. "Just...some guys can be really sensitive about you thinking it's gross, so, yeah, again with the making sure you can talk to him about it."

She brought her hands up to her face when Kitty started to laugh, instantly regretting asking it. It was a stupid question, right? Right.

But then Kitty calmed down and Liz separated her fingers to look at Kitty and as Kitty talked, Liz somehow managed to pull her hands away from her face entirely. And she listened quietly. All that really made sense.

"Thanks... that's, um. That's what I was wondering." Liz was certain she was red in the face.

"Also--" Kitty realized this was probably worth saying as awkward as it might be. "It's safe to swallow if you've got your mouth on him when he comes. It's not usually the best taste in the world, but it won't make you sick or anything."

There. That was very...adult of her. Right? Discussing blow jobs or at least the results of blow jobs with her fifteen year-old pupil.

"Next time you have a question, any chance it can be about quantum physics?"

Liz laughed, but did take what she said and filed it away about ingesting it.

"I promise. I'll ask easier questions next time. I do have that paper due for you soon."

She paused. "But really, Kitty.. thank you. It's not easy not having my mom or Maria or Maria's mom around to ask this stuff to." Not that Maria would know.

"I don't mind," Kitty said, giving a little shrug to acknowledge that it might seem different. "Really. I mean, it's awkward, because I'm pretty close with both of you and I don't really want to think about you together that way. And I don't have a lot of experience talking about sex, but I'd definitely rather that you talk to me about it than feel unprepared."

She'd also definitely rather Liz asked her than Alec or Jackson, or someone inappropriate. "So don't worry about asking. And... hey, look at it this way. We started this conversation with you sure everything was broken forever and now you're asking me about how to handle heavy petting."

She blushed at the words 'heavy petting', but Kitty was right. Somehow it seemed like maybe things might not be so black and white anymore.

"I should, um." She stood up, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "I should go and try to return Peter's shoes."

Re: Liz and Kitty

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