strangetrip | [For Thor] Biting the bullet

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[For Thor] Biting the bullet

Jane had kept mostly to herself since the visit from both her brother and apparently her future husband Kurt Weller. There were so many things going through her mind and so many emotions tied to it. She also was dragging her feet telling Thor that she actually wasn’t Sif but really Alice Kruger, Jane Doe. Something in the pit of her stomach had told her that she wasn’t Sif, but there were so many stories and similarities that she wanted to believe it. Not the least of which, it gave her a connection to someone like the others at the Inn had.

She didn’t have that, but reading through the files and talking to her ‘visitors’ a part of Jane did feel that connection. It was closer to Roman, memories and buried feelings surfaced with his visit. Jane knew that she couldn’t put it off any longer, it wasn’t fair to Thor for him to continue to believe his friend was here when she wasn’t.

Since the conversation should be private, Jane went to Thor’s door and knocked. She wasn’t sure if he’d be there, or with Tony, but she figured it was as good a place to start as any.

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Thor hadn't been expecting guests, but a knock at the door wasn't unwelcome, that was for sure. Thor closes his notebook and places his pen atop it, then pushes himself off the couch and heads for the door.

When he opens it, Jane is standing there and something feels off, though he can't quite place his finger on what.

"Sif," he says in greeting. "Everything all right?"

She would miss being greeted like that. "Sort of." Jane was honest, "got a minute? I don't want to interrupt if you have something." She was dragging her feet.

"Sure, sure. Come in." Thor takes a step back and waits for Alice to join him before he shuts the door behind her.

He gestures for her to take a seat on the couch. He sits on the edge of the bed opposite her.

"Tony's working in his lab right now," he says, just in case she's worried about interrupting something. "Probably won't be back for a couple of hours."

That would give them plenty of private time. On one hand, she was relieved but on the other, not really. Jane moved to take a seat and turned her head to look over at Thor.

"I was visited by someone from my past when everyone was getting the visits." It was best to just rip off the band aid and do it. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you sooner but, I'm not your friend Sif." And she really, really was sorry that she dragged her feet, but mostly that she wasn't Sif.

"Oh," Thor says softly to that. He was aware that the possibility was always there, but the blow still stung anyway. Logically, Thor knew it shouldn't hurt; Jane was still his friend regardless of if she were Sif or not, but Jane's presence had brought him some peace of mind. She was a reminder that perhaps Sif were still out there, not dead like the Warriors Three or his father or his brother or most of Asgard.

"How was your visit?" he asks. "Doesn't seem like everybody had a pleasant experience."

The 'oh' said it all for Jane and she felt really bad for him.

"I think mine was more of a be careful what you wish for experience. Ever since I've arrived I wanted answers. I got them, and a part of me wishes I could rewind time."

To be honest, it was only a small part. She did want the truth no matter how terrible it was.

Thor understands that feeling well. He's had many, many moments since his arrival here that he wishes he could re-wind time, no matter how good his time here had been.

"What did you find out?"

"My name is Alice Kruger and I have a brother, Ian. Though we both go by Remi and Roman." She paused. "Well before I became Jane Doe." Her lips quirked slightly despite themselves. "It seems I have three names, but I mostly go by Jane."

She paused, then added, "at least that's what Kurt Weller said." Jane had finally learned about the name so predominant on her back.

Thor listens, mentally building out a family tree complete with multiple names. He had acquired a litany of nicknames over the years, most bestowed upon him by Midgardians who worshipped him, but plenty more given to him by one Tony Stark.

None of them were real names, though.

"Who is this Kurt Weller?"

That was a complicated answer. "He's an FBI agent that I marry when I get back. I mean I knew that from the wedding video that was on the laptop I received from the Inn, but I just thought it was faked when I thought I might be Sif."

She glanced down at her hand where a ring would have been. "His emotion when he saw me -- that couldn't be faked." It was one of the reasons, not the main one, that Jane realized that she truly was Jane Doe.

"I became part of his FBI team and I guess fell in love." It was weird to think that about a total stranger.

Thor nods his head lightly a few times at this explanation.

"What else did he say?"

Jane looked down at her hands and then back up at Thor. "He didn't really tell me much except our lives. He didn't want to chance me not making the same choices I made to bring us together." She could understand that, though it was weird to think about.

"Roman told me more. A lot more that wasn't in the laptop files." A lot that didn't put her in a very good light, but it really wasn't surprising.

"We were literally raised to be soldiers, not exactly like Alec, but almost."

Thor knew just enough about Alec to piece things together. Thor finds himself not liking what Jane is saying. If she were not Sif, he'd rather be confident that she was living a far safer life. That was probably too much to expect given her full arsenal of skills. People who didn't fight generally didn't know how to, and Jane was every bit as practiced as an Asgardian warrior.

"What was different between your life and his?"

Jane only knew what she'd overheard and Dean had told her but from what she gathered his life and hers were similar. Well that part of it at least.

"He literally was made to be a soldier and I was just raised as one." She stated after a moment. "My parents were killed when they protested injustices in South Africa where I'm from."

It was weird she didn't feel connected to that country anymore than she did New York. They were just names.

"My brother and I were rescued from the orphanage that were turning kids into soldiers." She paused, "but I think from what Roman said, we went from frying pan to the fire"

Thor knows from his talks with his human companions that that this is not a normal experience for anyone living on Earth in his time. Somehow, he doubts it was for Jane, either.

"Do you know why you lost your memory?"

"Yeah." This was one of the embarrassing truths that she'd learned. "I did it to myself on purpose. When I first arrived at the inn, a friend that isn't here anymore tested my blood and found something called Zip."

After she'd had doubts, Jane wasn't sure that Abby had been telling the truth since she'd worked for a government agency, but apparently she had.

"Abby said that it's actually used to help people with PTSD. I actually took it to infiltrate the government agencies that have turned corrupt. Or at least my adoptive mother thought they were. I honestly don't know if I did or not."

Thor hmmms at that, his brows furrowed.

"Is there any way you can regain your memory completely?" He can't imagine it will be easy, given its purpose.

"My brother and Kurt both said that I don't have all of my memories in their time either, so I don't think so."

Jane smiled slightly, "but they don't have Molly or your brother in their time, so anything's possible."

"So you still want to learn more about yourself," he says, thinking back to what Jane said Kurt said. "I think I'd want to know the same, regardless of the consequences."

"Yeah, I do." Jane nodded. "The good, the bad and the ugly." There was a lot of ugly from what Roman had told her and from what she guessed from the files. But there was also good in her future - or other her anyway so that was something.

"I think I want to find it a little at a time. I'm not sure I'm ready for the walls to all come tumbling down."

"I hope that Loki and Molly can help," he says. "I don't know if there's anything I can still do, but if there is, name and I will do it."

His storytelling wasn't going to be of much help now, though, as much as he wished it might be.

Jane's lips curved slightly and she reached out to touch his forearm, "the one thing that I need more than memories is friendship and I hope that even though I'm not from your world, we'll always have that."

And she did. Seeing what might be buried in her brain, she'd need support and friendship a lot more than a revealed past.

Thor returns her touch with one of his own, letting the palm of his hand fall to her shoulder. "I know. Everything I said about us being family hasn't changed."

He had said as much months ago, but it bears repeating now -- especially now that it's absolutely known that Alice is not his Sif.

"So count on me if you need anything. And Loki. I'll make him do whatever you need."

"Thanks." Jane actually felt the loosening of muscles between her shoulders that she hadn't even realized had been there. In the back of her mind, there had been the fear that Thor would slowly pull away when he learned that she wasn't Sif, but Jane could tell that wouldn't be the case.

"I don't really know what I'll need besides friends, but I really appreciate your offer and offering Loki." She said with another hint of a smile.

"That's what brothers are for, lending to other people when they're in dire need of assistance," he says, smiling. "You'll understand it once you remember a little more about your own."

"I've noticed that watching Dean and Sam." Jane admitted. "I think I'm going to look forward getting to know my brother through memories."

"You'll have to tell me about him," Thor says with a smile.

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[For Thor] Biting the bullet

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