strangetrip | [For Thor] Biting the bullet

Jane had kept mostly to herself since the visit from both her brother and apparently her future husband Kurt Weller. There were so many things going through her mind and so many emotions tied to it. She also was dragging her feet telling Thor that she actually wasn’t Sif but really Alice Kruger, Jane Doe. Something in the pit of her stomach had told her that she wasn’t Sif, but there were so many stories and similarities that she wanted to believe it. Not the least of which, it gave her a connection to someone like the others at the Inn had.

She didn’t have that, but reading through the files and talking to her ‘visitors’ a part of Jane did feel that connection. It was closer to Roman, memories and buried feelings surfaced with his visit. Jane knew that she couldn’t put it off any longer, it wasn’t fair to Thor for him to continue to believe his friend was here when she wasn’t.

Since the conversation should be private, Jane went to Thor’s door and knocked. She wasn’t sure if he’d be there, or with Tony, but she figured it was as good a place to start as any.

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Jane only knew what she'd overheard and Dean had told her but from what she gathered his life and hers were similar. Well that part of it at least.

"He literally was made to be a soldier and I was just raised as one." She stated after a moment. "My parents were killed when they protested injustices in South Africa where I'm from."

It was weird she didn't feel connected to that country anymore than she did New York. They were just names.

"My brother and I were rescued from the orphanage that were turning kids into soldiers." She paused, "but I think from what Roman said, we went from frying pan to the fire"

Thor knows from his talks with his human companions that that this is not a normal experience for anyone living on Earth in his time. Somehow, he doubts it was for Jane, either.

"Do you know why you lost your memory?"

"Yeah." This was one of the embarrassing truths that she'd learned. "I did it to myself on purpose. When I first arrived at the inn, a friend that isn't here anymore tested my blood and found something called Zip."

After she'd had doubts, Jane wasn't sure that Abby had been telling the truth since she'd worked for a government agency, but apparently she had.

"Abby said that it's actually used to help people with PTSD. I actually took it to infiltrate the government agencies that have turned corrupt. Or at least my adoptive mother thought they were. I honestly don't know if I did or not."

Thor hmmms at that, his brows furrowed.

"Is there any way you can regain your memory completely?" He can't imagine it will be easy, given its purpose.

"My brother and Kurt both said that I don't have all of my memories in their time either, so I don't think so."

Jane smiled slightly, "but they don't have Molly or your brother in their time, so anything's possible."

"So you still want to learn more about yourself," he says, thinking back to what Jane said Kurt said. "I think I'd want to know the same, regardless of the consequences."

"Yeah, I do." Jane nodded. "The good, the bad and the ugly." There was a lot of ugly from what Roman had told her and from what she guessed from the files. But there was also good in her future - or other her anyway so that was something.

"I think I want to find it a little at a time. I'm not sure I'm ready for the walls to all come tumbling down."

"I hope that Loki and Molly can help," he says. "I don't know if there's anything I can still do, but if there is, name and I will do it."

His storytelling wasn't going to be of much help now, though, as much as he wished it might be.

Jane's lips curved slightly and she reached out to touch his forearm, "the one thing that I need more than memories is friendship and I hope that even though I'm not from your world, we'll always have that."

And she did. Seeing what might be buried in her brain, she'd need support and friendship a lot more than a revealed past.

Thor returns her touch with one of his own, letting the palm of his hand fall to her shoulder. "I know. Everything I said about us being family hasn't changed."

He had said as much months ago, but it bears repeating now -- especially now that it's absolutely known that Alice is not his Sif.

"So count on me if you need anything. And Loki. I'll make him do whatever you need."

"Thanks." Jane actually felt the loosening of muscles between her shoulders that she hadn't even realized had been there. In the back of her mind, there had been the fear that Thor would slowly pull away when he learned that she wasn't Sif, but Jane could tell that wouldn't be the case.

"I don't really know what I'll need besides friends, but I really appreciate your offer and offering Loki." She said with another hint of a smile.

"That's what brothers are for, lending to other people when they're in dire need of assistance," he says, smiling. "You'll understand it once you remember a little more about your own."

"I've noticed that watching Dean and Sam." Jane admitted. "I think I'm going to look forward getting to know my brother through memories."

"You'll have to tell me about him," Thor says with a smile.

[For Thor] Biting the bullet

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