[EP] The Worst Birthday

[st_abby]

Of course, everybody had birthdays - even if they didn't know what day it was on the calendar, that didn't stop someone having them. Vax'ildan hadn't honestly thought much about it, until Joanna had got talking when to plant what one afternoon amongst the herbs in her garden. Seasons, months, weeks, days... They were different in this world from what Vax knew. Nevertheless, when he stopped to do a bit of his own math, he thought it must be very near his own birthday in Exandria.

Their birthday. His, by only a couple of minutes, and then Vex'ahlia's.

It seemed a stupid thing to get hung up about. But once it (she) had wormed its way into his brain, his heart, he couldn't get it (her) out, and it became a crushing reminder that Vex could be lost to him forever. He didn't have much in the way of distractions, and the more he tried to forget about it, the worse it had got until he sank into a drowning sulk. He avoided everyone and everything including his mirror-matched room, effectively vanishing for a few days on end, until gravely admitting that the only way out might very well be through.

Which is how he ended up sitting in the one corner of a booth in the cafe, armor exchanged for a simple sleeveless tunic and loose pants from Songrun, staring at the empty seat across from him with arms folded on the table in a bit of a hunch.

"Get us a drink," he told the passers-by mirthlessly, without so much as turning to look at them or stopping to count how many he'd had already. Did it matter? "It's our birthday."

Comments

[st_abby]

Vax needed something to distract him from the stabbing pain of her pity sinking into him, so he reached for a glass of water he'd mainly been ignoring to clear his mouth, cool his tightening throat.

"And she's not here," Vax echoed back after a swallow. He couldn't quite look at her directly, a sheen in his eyes, so he studied the glass in his hand very thoroughly. And had another sip. "Worst. Birthday."

[st_oriedqueen]

A memory washed over Regina, of her sitting alone in Granny's Diner when Robin had gone to New York, and how Swan had come to find her. A deeply wry smile, pained and self-knowing, curved the corners of her mouth when she recited softly, "You don't need a hope speech. What you need is a drinking buddy."

Regina glanced over toward the bar and Kitty and then back at Vax, "Does your world have tequila?"

[st_abby]

"Or something like it. Probably." That seemed to be how things went in this place. Lots of close but not quite. ...It wasn't exactly a straight answer, but it was as close as she was likely to get before he could manage to walk a straight line again.

[st_oriedqueen]

"Let's find out," she said decisively, and then pushed up from the table to go to the bar.

She returned a few minutes later with a bottle, two shot glasses, a plate of limes and a shaker of salt. Regina didn't need the "training wheels." She just liked the salt and tart with the sharp. It suited her.

While pouring two shots, she explained, recalling Emma's instructions aloud, "Lick it, stick it, slam it, suck it," and then proceeded to demonstrate. Savoring the burn and bite, she poured herself another. "Your turn."

[st_abby]

Vax'ildan just...stared, actually. He saw how the steps were done, he just wasn't sure what had happened that they'd gone from her about to (rightfully) fireball him to this intensive party game with the liquor. "Are you sure you want us to be doing this? I mean, I'm already..."

I could have fucking hurt you, and that's too far.

[st_oriedqueen]

Regina sighed and did another shot before even trying to answer him. When she did, she was direct and -- under the circumstances she felt justified in thinking -- brave.

"At one time or another, I have tried to kill five of the ten people I now consider family and succeeded in mostly killing three of them. I'm not a nice person. I'm very new at being a good person and not particularly good at it. If I refused to drink with everyone who has ever wanted to kill me, I would forever drink alone."

[st_abby]

He sat, letting that soak in around the alcohol, still watching her.

Then Vax quietly set his hands about the tasks she'd showed him, a touch slow for his reflexes but still remarkably smooth considering. Licking between thumb and forefinger, shaking salt over that, picking up his wedge of what he knew from Kitty was lime. "You're being nice to me," he pointed out. Then he licked the salt and slammed back the shot of searing what is that even, rushing to slurp at the sourness of the citrus after.

[st_oriedqueen]

"Tequila isn't nice," Regina retorted and poured another round. "It's effective."

It did raise a good question, though, of why she'd stopped in the first place. She hadn't been obligated, or if she had, it was the sort of social obligation she'd regularly ignored. She shrugged, licked her hand and salted it, said, "I lost two soulmates and two sons. I understand," then slammed the shot before her heart could listen to what she'd said.

[st_abby]

Vax held the second shot and stared at the contents absently. His head swam somewhat, alcohol at work, but his stomach turned over as he looked at the glass in his fingers. "I've never been without her," he murmured. "I don't... I don't know how. All these months... It's just been waiting. But no one tells you how long to wait for something."

[st_oriedqueen]

Regina extended her hand again, and noted with pleasure that despite the near-certainty of rejection, her fingers didn't tremble. She lay it in front of him, palm up and left the choice to him.

"You will always wait. You can't not. Some days its tolerable. Some days you forget for awhile. You learn to be as happy as you can, but you will never stop hoping the next face through the door is hers. And on the day that it is..." Her voice did tremble at the memory of Robin's arrival and then of finding Snow here. "Every second that you waited is instantly worth it and no number of months or years between you will matter. After comes the catching-up, the pouring out of hurt and the efforts to soothe, and the arguments, and you'll cherish it all."

By the time she'd finished speaking, tears glistened like jewels on her long black lashes but she didn't cry. Not today.

[st_abby]

Vax'ildan carefully pushed aside the glasses, the salt shaker, the limes, the lot. He picked up Regina's hand from the table, using both of his own (bare without gloves for a change) to wrap up her fingers and draw her closer. He tipped his face to rest his cheek against her knuckles, thinking of how she'd tried to touch him earlier, and quietly looked her in the eyes.

"Suppose I've got that to look forward to," he murmured.

[st_oriedqueen]

Surprised and touched at the gesture, Regina unfolded her fingers to caress his cheek. If he permitted it, she would stroke his hair. Nothing sexual motivated the response. To the contrary, she was, as ever, cognizant that she was more than old enough to be his mother twice over.

"All you can do is live past the pain. It's possible. And on the days that it's not--" Regina found herself smiling, very nearly laughing at the completely ludicrous thing she was about to say. "I'll be here," she said and then snorted. "Somewhere, my stepdaughter just fell dead of laughter."

[st_abby]

Once he'd given her hold of his cheek, his hair, the - whatever stuff up there she was inclined to pet, yes, good - Vax closed his eyes and propped up his chin in his opposite hand. Everything was too weird and he missed them, all of them, so much. Obviously Vex, but also Keyleth, who was his light and joy and conscience. Scanlan, who knew men's faults, reveled in them, but had always chosen to live for something better. Grog's loyalty was his true strength, not his muscle, and he was more honest in his motivations than many would ever be. And Pike... The beautiful, ball-busting believer in all warmth that could heal broken hearts and minds. She would have been able to comfort him in this.

But Regina, his thought circled back around, though her words came through to him a bit muddied... Was being unexpectedly, blessedly kind.

"Regina," he said quite softly, not going to all the trouble of opening his eyes. "Thank you."