strangetrip | [GP] All we can do is learn to swim

Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. - Vicki Harrison

"You're sure?" Regina already knew the answer but demanding that Sam tell her what she already knew satisfied something petty in her. Or maybe just something hurt that hoped he'd have a different answer than her locator spell had already provided.

"Yeah." Sam half-rolled his eyes at her as he leaned across the pink bar counter to grab bottles of beer from the Silver Bar ice bin -- probably the results of Rebekah's last work-effort at the Inn -- for himself and his newly arrived companion.

Briefly, Regina considered burning a hole in the seat of his jeans, but it wouldn't bring Rebekah or any of the absent ones back. Instead, she took refuge in straightening her A-line and walking around the stylish counter Sam lay across like he was surfing the waves of grief. She took down a bottle of pointlessly pricey champagne, and then found the precise cut-crystal glasses Rebekah and Miss Fisher had preferred for their afternoon indulgences. She poured herself a glass and one for the person who dared her openly bitter expression.

"So who all are we missing?" they both said at once, glared at each other and sighed. They both knew the answers, in their own way and for their own reasons. And neither of them wanted to say.

Rebekah Mikaelson. Henry Winchester. Jack Robinson. Phryne Fisher. Dorothy Williams. Angua von Uberwald. Jaime Vegas. Harry Dresden. Lydia Martin. Raleigh Becket. Yasmeen. Joanna Beauchamp. Constance Bonacieux D'Artagnan. Lindsey McDonald.

"Grief is like the ocean," Sam clearly quoted from some fucking where, and Regina tuned him out until he added, "All we can do is learn to swim. Rebekah told me that."

Now Regina rolled her eyes; they weren't friends. "Shut up, Sam."

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Trinket was worried, but not quite as worried any more when Snow clung to him that way. He was a very good bear to cry on to feel better, Vex had told him. And Vex knew, because she'd cried herself out into his fur more times than she would admit to anyone, and Trinket, of course, would never tell.

Vex sat down on the other side of Trinket while he nuzzled at Snow, one hand kneading through his fur, as she waited for the tension to leech its way out of Snow's body.

Snow didn't shed a single tear, even now, as if the anger had burned them all out of her. But after a while the bowstring tautness of her muscles loosened and if nothing else she seemed much less likely to shake herself apart.

Trinket snuffled Snow's hair, then licked up the side of her face delicately for a bear before glancing at Vex.

"I'm sorry." She tried to think who Snow was close enough to to miss that fiercely, but all she could come up with was Lindsey and that wasn't right. They spent a lot of time in the stables, but Vex was pretty sure he wasn't close to anybody, especially not Snow.

The lick probably did more for her than the words, and she didn't try to wipe off the bear slobber. Snow turned one black eye on Vex, though for a long moment she continued not to say anything. Then, two words. "Yasmeen's gone."

Vex had seen the captain's name on the list, knew how highly Vax and Percy thought of her after their adventure in the other world, but she hadn't realized she was special to Snow. But she obviously was, and there wasn't anything Vex could do to make it better.

"Do you want Trinket to stay with you tonight?"

Snow thought of the fire waiting for her in her dreams. She was certain it would come tonight, even though she could not predict it accurately anymore. She nodded dumbly. "I mean, if he don't mind."

The strange gesture and muttered syllables weren't big and flashy, easy to miss if you weren't expecting them or paying attention. "What do you say, buddy? You want to stay with Snow tonight?"

The question was met with low, rumbly bear sounds, and Vex shook her head. "No, I don't think that's what she's worried about. It's just hard to be alone when you lose someone." More rumble-growls, and Trinket's heavy paw gently patted Snow's back.

"He doesn't mind at all. You're welcome to stay in our room if you'd like, but Percy will likely be there as well, and I don't know if you'd... That might be a bit much, perhaps?"

The paw nearly sent her staggering, but after the surprise of the first pat, Snow stood.

Not being ignorant of the things couples would probably prefer to be doing in a bedroom, she awkwardly ducked her head. "Uh. Somehow I don't think he'd like that."

"Percy would understand, I'm sure." He knew about loss. Primal screaming in the wilderness wasn't his way of coping, but he had lost far more than Vex would wish on almost anyone.

"I was thinking of your comfort. But Trinket is happy to keep you company, dear. In your room, or out here, if you'd like – probably not the stables; we don't to upset the horses – but Trinket's used to being cushion and warmth and big protector out in the middle of nowhere. He's very good at it, and comfortable too."

Snow thought about that. She knew Percy by sight, but that was all she knew about him. She wasn't sleeping in the same room. "My room, then," she mumbled.

Vex nodded decisively. She'd thought Snow would prefer that choice, and she supported it. Then a deep breath's worth of hesitation as she made up her resolve, and reached up to undo the chain around her neck.

"You should wear this," she said, offering the black crystal amulet to Snow. "When you get close to the buildings, you just have to touch it to Trinket, and he'll be right there with you, just kept safe inside – you know the drill, don't you, buddy? – and when you don't have to worry about other people, just want him to come out again and he will."

There was a part – a large part, if she was honest – of Vex that didn't want to let go of Raven's Slumber, even just for this short while. But she trusted Snow, and it would be better for Snow and Trinket, if she had it while Trinket was staying with her. Just in case.

It hadn't really been real until Vex took off the chain, and knowing the trinkets she wore around her own neck, Snow had at least something of a sense of how hard it was to do that and just how much was being trusted. Her breath caught, and she hesitated... but eventually she took the crystal.

"I'll keep it safe," she promised.

"I know you will, darling. I know." The certainty came more easily than the decision to give Snow the amulet had.

"I trust you." Snow wouldn't do anything that would hurt Trinket, and Trink would look after her too.

Snow nodded, a child's sense of solemnity melding with an adult's sense of duty in the way she straightened her body. She fastened the amulet around her own neck, so it wouldn't get lost.

Vex gave a nod of approval, mostly because she remembered what it was like not getting that sort of encouragement.

"I imagine you don't want to go back to the inn, have to deal with a bunch of people yet. I could stay a while longer if you'd like? Or not, if you'd rather. Trinket is company enough, I know."

"Um." Snow hesitated, not sure how to answer that. Most people yeah, she'd send them on their way. But she wasn't doing that here. And that confused her. Until finally she mumbled, "You don't gotta leave."

"All right," and Vex smiled slightly. It was a day for baby steps, she decided. First with Kash, now Snow.

"Trinket and I were out on a ramble. It's the best thing for me when life gets to be too much, to go wandering through the wilds... or what passes for wilds." It was an offer, nothing more. She'd leave hugs to the bear, since Snow shied from touch so easily. "Or to breathe and soak in the sun."

Snow thought about it, running her hands idly through Trinket's fur. Finally, shyly, she nodded. "That sounds good."

[GP] All we can do is learn to swim

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