strangetrip | It's Pronounced "Tiefling"

Zahra needed to get a lay of the land now that she had arrived and things seemed to have calmed down a little. She was sure leaving the room would worry Kash, but she had only ventured out a few times briefly and now it felt right. She had filled him in on everything that she knew happened back home, spent many days enjoying the marvel of hot baths on demand, and discovered what a 'TV' was and tried to get some idea of what this plane was like. Now it was time to experience it for herself.

Zahra did not hide what she was. The red-skinned Tiefling wore a grey dress with a hole cut and sewn to allow her tail freedom of movement behind her. She decided to leave her staff behind, but she had done so after a lot of thought. The humans here didn't need to see her walking around with a weapon, but she felt naked and vulnerable. Kash said they were safe and so she would lean on those words as she navigated the inn weaponless.

She found the pool, crouching down by the water and feeling the cool water against her fingers. She could smell something from the water that told her the water wasn't entirely pure. It took her some time to figure out it was a place to bathe or swim, like a lake in the middle of the forest. She did take note of the heated part of the pool.

Her next step was through the lobby to the bar. Taverns looked similar no matter what plane of existence you were on, it seemed. She felt her stomach growl and after a moment found her way to the restaurant. She ordered the chicken because it reminded her of Scanlan.

After her meal she found her way to the library. There were not as many books as there was in Whitestone or even the Slayer's Take, but there were many. She started to peruse.

Her last stop was to Vex's room. She knocked and waited patiently.

(ooc: Find her anywhere. She has white eyes with no pupil or iris and horns on her head.)

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She watched him, listened to him, and felt a small pang in her heart. The gods were cruel to pull him from her the way they had and not even let her know. If there was someone responsible for this, she would not be kind to them when she got her hands on them.

"You found another." A simple statement with no resentment behind it, but there was realization there. To what extent she could not register from his expression, but it looked as if it had been serious. Something gripped her chest, uncertainty that perhaps her presence was more of a burden than expected, but she did not voice this, did not let her body shift to give hints of this doubt. Instead, she let herself hold his hand supportively, letting him take his time to tell her what he needed to, even if she was worried there might be some things that would change them forever.

"No!"

Kash squeezed the hand in his, almost too hard, but her words had vanquished the heat of shame, guilt and grief, leaving a freezing chill behind. He might have been proceeding along the path of 'maybe someday' with Curnen, but as soon as Z said it, Kash knew like he had with Molly, it wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have been able to take her to bed, love her in the way that he loved Z. He saw it now: the Brothers had raised him to put all of himself into a singular, consuming devotion, and Z had become the focus of it.

"No," he said again, less frantic and more certain. Both hands rose to cup Z's face between them. "Even if I'd eventually had a lover, I couldn't. Ever. Find another." Not while she lived and probably not even if she died. "I love you."

Zahra nuzzled against his hand gently, eyes closing for a moment as she realized it wasn't entirely what she thought it might have been.

"I love you too." She opened her eyes, looking at him for a moment with a purity of love and then leaned in to give him a reassuring kiss.

After a moment of silence she spoke again. "Then tell me, love, what is it that has shaken you?"

Kash leaned his forehead against hers, drawing strength from the purity of her love for him. "Curnen," he said simply and quietly, but because she didn't know her and didn't know her name, he sat back, gathering Z's hands in his, and tried to explain.

"When Curnen showed up, she was barely human. She'd been cursed--" At the time, he hadn't seen it, but that had reminded him of Z, trapped in the cage her father had made for her, cursing that boy and leaving him in her cage to die. Z would see it, because she'd lived it. "I did what I could for her and she helped me, too. Like you did."

The guilt and grief welled up again, breaking both his heart and his words. "It took a long time and I... I swear I wasn't planning it, baby, but I kissed her. She knew I wasn't ready... that I couldn't..." His gaze fell to their joined hands but he forced himself to lift it again. If she felt betrayed, like Curnen had, and like he did by Curnen's hatred, he owed it to her to see it. "It hasn't happened since and it was a month ago. But... someday, maybe it could have."

His words sped and slurred, slipping on his tears: "But now you're here. It won't. It never can. And she's broken and hurting again and Z I can't fix it. I can't fix it and I do love her, but not like this, and it hurts because the one thing that could fix it is the only thing I can never do."

It was a lot to take in. She had no idea who this Curnen was or what she looked like and not knowing seemed to bubble up more doubt than if it was someone she knew of. Still, she listened and didn't feel hatred or hurt, not really. The part that wormed its way in to a quiet alcove of her chest was the admission that maybe, one day, something more could have been between Kash and this other woman. The kiss did not bother her, but if he had bedded her, that would have hurt deeper than she realized.

Zahra squeezed his hands in hers and at first she had no answer for him. It was a complicated thing and she put herself in Curnen's shoes and there was still no answer. She wondered if there was any way to actually fix something like that. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry you have to endure this because of me." She meant it without any slight to him. She wouldn't never intentionally throw turmoil into his life. "I don't know this Curnen, but I imagine time might be the best to heal such a wound. Time and the knowledge that you won't disappear completely from her."

"I didn't endure it because of you." If anything one thing had always been true it was that. "I endured for you. I couldn't quit and leave you, even if you never knew it."

Because the only thing that made any sense right now was her, Kash flexed the strength he rarely showed and lifted Z off the bench into his lap. He wound his arms around her and held her against him. "I don't know whether to thank you for listening to me and loving me or beg your forgiveness for losing faith and caring about someone else or swear it's never going to happen again. Tell me what I need to do to make this right with you."

Because she was right. Whatever was going to happen with Curnen was going to take time.

She pressed her forehead against his, her tail wrapping lightly around his calf. She spoke softly. "You were alone for almost a year. I do not blame you for seeking comfort in another." And she didn't, but she knew Kash wanted an answer, wanted some tangible.

"For me... All I ask is you continue to be the man that took my heart. And that you find self forgiveness." She knew the second part would be the hardest.

Kash stilled and held her against him, just listened to her heart and the gentle sounds of the tip of her tail caressing his leg. It took time, but his hand began to move against her back and through her hair.

Voice quiet and intimate, pitched to her in a way that spoke of long days alone in Whitestone and Vassalheim, the two of them being the people they were in the same space. Talking when there were things to say and breathing when there weren't, he finally asked, "Do you have any plans for the rest of the afternoon?"

Zahra smiled, enjoying the warmth that he provided for her. "Nothing in particular. I've done all that I've sought out to do. I am yours to do with as you please." Whatever she could do to help heal his wounds, she would do it.

"Tempting." He dropped a kiss to where her neck and shoulder joined, inhaled, and lost himself in the warmth of her skin. All he wanted was to be with her, until he didn't remember how it hurt to be without her. "But I think I'll do with you as you please. Maybe start with washing your hair, give you a long massage...what do you think?"

"That, darling, sounds like a wonderful offer." She kissed him on the temple before climbing off of Kash and reaching for his hand to lead him back to their room.

It's Pronounced "Tiefling" - OTA

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