strangetrip | [backdated to March 4] Room with a View (closed to Peter)

Face still buried in her knees, she felt the threat of tears - that familiar, telltale stinging at the corner of her eyes, and she shut them even if no one else could see. Still, she didn't seem to shrink back from his touch.

"But I am. I am and even pretending I'm not, it's - it's..." It sucked so bad and it was hard and she had to only do it for half a day before coming to the Inn.

Liz calmed her breathing, in and out, like Maria did when she got upset. When she felt confident enough, she lifted her head, her eyes only giving the slightest hint that she might have teared up a little, and she looked at Peter. "I just - I just want you to see me for me. The real me. I don't want to hide anything from you, ever."

"Liz," he says, trying his best to make eye contact with her. "I want that, too. I don't want us to -- to have to hide things from one another because we're ashamed about them, or because we're scared, or anything. I mean--"

Peter shakes his head.

"--so many things out there are ruined because people just don't talk to one another," he says, thinking of Mr. Stark and Happy and the many times they left him out of the loop. "And I think if we just -- you know -- just talk about those things, we're not -- we won't have to worry about that."

There was something about the way Peter spoke, about how he said everything, about the way he looked that seemed to calm Liz down a little. She watched his face for a moment and then she just started talking. Talking about the things she had kept back from him.

"I love Max, Peter." A pause. "Or I did. Or do. Or - I don't know. I don't know anymore because - because -" It wasn't just that the whole world was going to end if they dated. Not anymore. "...Because since I met you I don't think of him as much anymore. When I go to sleep, my dreams... my dreams have you in them. When something exciting happens I want to tell you first." And this would never have happened back home in Roswell where Max was.

"Sometimes..." Liz's gaze dropped. "Sometimes I feel guilty. Like, like I'm cheating, you know? Even though we're not together anymore and we can't ever be together again, I feel like being with you - like I'm betraying him."

Another pause. She has no idea why she was saying this all at this moment, but it was coming out and Liz couldn't seem to stop it.

"But when you were in danger. When you could have died." Her gaze slowly makes its way back up to him. "I couldn't... let that happen. I'd have -- I'd have died for you."

She would have died for him.

For a half-minute, Peter's not sure what to say to that. Because truthfully, he would have died for Liz, too. But he probably would die for any number of people because that's what being a superhero was all about. Sacrifice.

But Liz -- Liz wasn't a superhero. And saying something like that carries a lot more weight than him saying the same thing.

That's far from the only thing that Peter has to process. There's everything about Max, too. How being with him felt like a betrayal, even though she really liked him.

And that, Peter decides, is the part that he needs to respond to. But he's not sure what to say and suddenly, he kind of understands why people don't talk to one another sometimes. It was hard not to feel like he was going to screw everything up.

"It's okay for you to still love Max," he says, finally. "I'm not going to be hurt because of it. I can love my Aunt May and Uncle Ben and my parents and Ned all at the same time and even though that's totally platonic, there's no reason why you can't love two people in a romantic way."

Peter's hand is still on her back, supporting her. And he hopes that it signals that he's here, that he's not angry, and that he's not upset, because while he is here, he's not angry or upset at her for being honest and talking about these things with her.

"If you need time to figure things out, that's okay. I'm not going to be mad because you need time to figure things out. I'll just be here to support you while you do that, if you want me to."

Peter was like no one she had ever known before. He had taken all that information and came out with the most understanding thing and a part of her was still surprised when he did it.

"... I don't need time to figure out how I feel about you." It came out quietly and then she paused for long moment before she leaned against him gently. He was warm and strong and steady. "I don't want time away from you."

Maybe that was selfish, but Liz was still just a teenager despite how she acted sometimes.

"It's just... That's been something I've been carrying around and I guess I didn't know much it was bothering me, not telling you, until now."

Peter's hand shifts from her back to her side as Liz leans against him, then pulls her in a little closer. He never even considered that this might be hurting Liz, and he wishes he had seen it before so she wouldn't have to be in all this pain now.

But now that they've talked about it, maybe she could start to feel better about all of this. Peter looks down at her, his expression warm, but concerned.

"Is that the only thing bothering you?" he asks quietly.

Liz rested her head on his shoulder and, again, realized he seemed so much warmer than he probably actually was. Peter was this beacon of warmth.

"That's it. Everything else, you know." She thought maybe the only thing was the let him read her diary, but there were thing in there about him and some of them were a little embarrassing and a lot intimate.

"I mean, you've almost seen me - seen me naked practically, so..." The thought still brought heat to her face. It helped to know he had 'really liked it' even if she had been completely mortified.

Liz lifted up her head a little, looking at Peter. There was a part of her, that part conditioned by media and adolescence, that worried Peter needed to be reassured. There was another part of her that wanted to prove to him her feelings and that he wasn't second place or runner up.

So she kissed him, really kissed him. It was soft and slow when their lips met, but then she felt that rush of need to reassure him, maybe even prove to herself, And the kiss intensified. Her hand moved up to the side of his face as she deepened the kisses, tongue exploring.

Peter is surprised when she kisses him, but it's not an unwelcome one. It's never an unwelcome one. And even though he still feels a little self-conscious about his ability to kiss and kiss well, his body seems to respond almost naturally, his tongue pressing past Liz's teeth.

His hand finds its way to the back of her neck, fingers tangled up with her hair. Girls' hair is so nice, he decides, and he can understand why they'd want to play with it all the time.

Minutes pass before Peter finally pulls away. He catches his breath and tries to will himself to cool down a little. Sure, he knows it's totally normal for his body to react this way, but that doesn't mean that he wants Liz noticing it.

Face flushed naturally from the contact and when he pulled back she had to catch her breath too. The smallest of smiles played on her face, but something nagged in the back of her mind. The silence between them would have been normal before, but at that moment, because of what they talked about, there was a slight tickle of worry.

When he didn't seem to say anything, despite the fact his kissing her had managed to make her weak at the knees, Liz leaned forward to kiss him again. She needed Peter to know, to feel, that she was 100% there for him. She needed to prove it to him.

The thought urged her, shifted her, until was on his lap, hands cupping either side of his head, and kissing him some more.

Peter is trying not to panic when she shifts onto his lap. He squirms, hoping that if he just manages to position himself in just the right place, that may be she won't feel it, and maybe he can manage to calm himself down enough that it's no longer a problem.

But then she starts kissing him again, and any progress he may have made in that particular battle is halted and reversed.

Peter promptly pulls away, so suddenly that he doesn't realize it until she's out of her lap and back on the floor.

"Liz, I have an erection," he blurays out, and it takes approximately a half second for the utter mortification to settle in.

It took Liz a second to actually process the fact she was on the floor and that Peter pulled away and then she started to panic about why she was on the floor and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

That is, until Peter blurted out what he did and she froze, eyes wide a little, and despite herself her eyes looked down to Peter's lap for a split second and then back up to his face. Her face red, she paused, silent.

"...Oh." She smiled, mostly out of embarrassment than anything else and pressed her lips together, looking down at the ground between them.

Peter turns around, crosses his legs, and folds himself over his legs, eyes shut, trying to focus on something -- anything that isn't his current predicament and what led him down this road in the first place.

Why him, and why now?

Peter knew the answer to that particular question, but that didn't change the fact that this was awkward and uncomfortable and mortifying. And he just pushed Liz off him, and she looked down at his crotch, and --

Peter takes a breath, the arc of his back rising slightly as he inhales, and falling as he exhales.

"I'm not used to this kinda thing happening around people I like," he explains. Sure, it's happened in other, awkward places before, but his interactions with other-Liz were limited enough that he hadn't run into this particular problem in front of her. That was one thing to be grateful for.

His reaction surprised Liz a little and she instantly felt bad since she was the one to put him in this situation. She reached out to touch his back, then hesitated and settling for sitting on her knees close behind him. Maybe touching wouldn't be helpful at the moment.

"It's - it's, um. Okay." It was, of course, natural, but that wasn't really the point. She felt her face heat up. "I'm, um sorry. That I made you -" well, made him turned on, she guessed.

She tucked a strand of hair behind ear. "It's... Um. It's a little... Flattering."

"It's fine," Peter attempts to reassure her, because it is. It's embarrassing, but nothing he's never going to recover from, even though right now it feels like he won't. "Or it'll be fine." He swallows. "Maybe in a few minutes."

He presses his lips together. Now's probably the worst time to have this discussion, but when else is he really going to have an opening like this?

"I'm still a virgin," he tells her, even though he ascertained this fact just a few minutes before. "Before you, I never even really kissed anybody. Not even the other Liz." He might have had the opportunity if he hadn't ditched her at Homecoming, but there had been things more important than a dance he needed to deal with.

But that didn't stop him from regretting it. He'd still do everything the same way, he just wish he hadn't hurt Liz.

"So -- I don't really know what I'm doing. And I don't want you thinking that when I pull away or something that I don't want to do these things with you eventually. Because there's a lot of things I want to do with you."

Peter's face grows warm with embarrassment, and he's suddenly relieved that he's not facing Liz right now.

Liz listened, feeling a weird mixture of embarrassment and affection as he talked. She smiled just a little, even if he couldn't see.

"I... I'm not that experienced either." Liz looked down at her hands. Peter now knew she was a virgin, but she wondered he if thought she knew a lot more than that.

"... I've only ever made out." She paused. "With clothes on." And her partners hands had wandered over her chest a lot, as many teenage boys would, but it had never felt right to let them go under. Thankfully her boyfriends in the past had been respectful, like Peter.

"... you're the first one to - to see me, like that and to... Um. Be that close." She brought a hand to her face to cover her eyes for a moment as she tried not to freak out too much.

Peter's starting to feel okay enough to actually sit upright now, even though there's still some residual embarrassment he can't quite shake.

"If you wanted to do that," Peter says. "I'd be okay with that." Even if it meant that there was a possibility he might end up with another erection. Eventually, he'd have to learn how to get over that. He couldn't be embarrassed by this stuff forever.

"And... I liked being close to you. Clothes on or clothes off."

And there it is. The flood of embarrassment he had come incredibly close to finally shaking off flooded over him again. He doesn't know how people manage to talk about stuff like this. He can't imagine ever being comfortable having these kinds of conversations, even though people have told him he will be.

For a brief moment Liz pictured Peter's hands on her and she flushed. It wasn't the first time she thought about it, her first coming to her in a very vivid dream.

She bit her bottom lip and then reached out with her arms to hug him from behind, arms over his shoulders. Liz's head rested on his broad back, cheek pressed between his shoulder blades.

"...is this okay?" She just couldn't quite bear to leave him feeling awkward alone, even if she was blushing like mad too.

"Yeah, it's fine," Peter says. But really, it was better than fine. Or okay. He really liked it. Her leaning against him, her arms around him.

After a few moments, Peter finally speaks again.

"We're not really doing much stargazing," he says with a quiet, nervous laugh. "Not that I mind it, I just -- I didn't think that we'd be talking about this today."

"Sorry" she smile against his back. She knew it was technically her fault. Maybe she should have talked about the whole almost naked thing before their date today.

"But.... I'm glad we talked about it. I'm glad... I know how you feel." And she was glad he knew how she felt, too.

"Don't apologize," Peter says. And this time, when he shifts away from her, it's so he can shift himself around so he can look at her again. "I'm just glad we could be here together, no matter what we ended up doing."

Besides, there'd be plenty of time for them to look up at the stars together. Maybe not this up close and personal, but how important were the stars when he had Liz sitting here right in front of him?

Peter reaches out for her hand and holds it with both of his. This is kinda like the hair thing. He liked the feel of her hands so much that all he really wanted to do was touch it. They were so much smaller and softer and smoother than his were.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asks. "Because I'm feeling better. A lot better. Still embarrassed, but. Better."

She liked it when Peter held her hands too. His were bigger, and stronger, and warmer.

Liz suddenly laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I am." And she was still pretty embarrassed too, but somehow it seemed kind of okay when it was with Peter.

She sat there, holding his hands, and paused. He had worked so hard to find this place for them.

"Lie down and close your eyes."

Peter shoots her a curious look, but doesn't object. He lays down, then closes his eyes, just like he was instructed.

"okay... No peaking." Liz trusted Peter not to peak as she stood up. She had a hunch about the room and she hoped she was right as she walked around until she found a panel on the wall. It took her a few minutes to figure out how to use it. It was like Peter's cellphone but bigger. "Just - just another minute."

Liz managed to get the lights in the room to turn off. There was only the dullest of light being emitted from under the bed which, she figured, was a safety light. As she walked back to where Peter was lying down, she smiled and knelt back down. There was a part of her that wanted to kiss him again, but he had been through a lot and she didn't want to make him embarrassed again.

So she liked down beside him on her back instead, her shoulders practically touching his. With the room dark now, it was hard to tell there was a big window on the ceiling. It looked as if they were thrust out into space among the stars.

"Okay, you can open them."

Peter didn't peek, even as he felt Liz step away from him. When he felt her lay next down to him, he still waited for her orders.

And then they came. Peter opened his eyes and his mouth fell a little. "Whoa," he says up at the ceiling. It was hard not to feel completely awestruck by the sight.

It takes Peter a few minutes to finally pull his eyes away from the sky to turn and look at Liz. He reaches for her hand again.

"How much do you know about stars?" he asks.

His reaction relaxed her a little. Maybe they could salvage this date after all. She took his hand an squeezed, enjoying his proximity.

"Not a lot. I was sort of anti-space for a while since I've been around it my whole life." With her parents' diner and all. "I only just started reading more about it last year. I know a couple of the constellations... It just takes me a while to find them."

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