strangetrip | Eggspecations (Closed to Peter, then Kitty)

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Eggspecations (Closed to Peter, then Kitty)

Liz had eventually found her egg and inside was her uniform from the Crashdown Cafe. It seemed like it had been freshly laundered, but there was no doubt that it was hers and not just some random uniform from the diner. For a few days she just left it alone, wondering what she was supposed to do with it. She wasn't about to wear it while she served people, if only because she was sure someone like Odo would be pretty upset by that, being an alien and all.

Her mind kept going back to how Peter had said he wished he saw what it looked like. Maybe the egg was more for Peter than for her. Liz decided it wouldn't hurt to show him.

She put on the uniform complete with antennas. It was almost surreal to see herself in the uniform after so long. She stood in front of a mirror for a while before she exhaled and headed out to find Peter. She was kind of hoping he was in his room so no one else had to see the uniform, but after a few knocks on his door, she figured he was out. She ended up walking around the inn longer than she had wanted to in her uniform until she found him. His back to her, she welled up the courage inside of her.

"Peter." She offered a sheepish smile.

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Liz was stunned. Stunned at her actions and stunned at his reaction - though she told herself later she shouldn't be. Liz was left along by the poolside, feeling like an idiot.

She gathered up enough wherewithal to stuff the photos in her apron, pick up Peter's shoes, and head inside. She had no idea what she would do with his shoes, but she ended up finding herself in front of Kitty's door, her eyes stinging from threatening tears that would immediately fall when she opened the door. She was still dressed in her diner uniform and holding on to Peter's shoes.

How could I have been so stupid.

Kitty's own egg sat in the corner of her room, unopened. She knew it was hers, because it was the last one left and she'd asked Sam if he wouldn't mind carrying it for her. She'd open it when Passover was over. Somehow it just seemed weird to get an Easter gift during Passover.

She wasn't thinking about that when the knock came, though. Truthfully, she hadn't been thinking about much of anything. "It's open," she called from the bed in her new room she liked so much better.

For a split second she considered not entering, though her hand was on the doorknob. Maybe she should just go and - well, she didn't know what she was going to do, but she'd do it. But the she opened the door and when she stepped inside and saw Kitty, that's when the tears released.

"I ruined it. I'm so stupid. I - I'm so stupid." She buried her face in her hands.

Having lived through her own teenaged melodrama, Kitty was (just for a moment) tempted to say Yes, you are, just to see if Liz's shock would stop the tears. But that was a Yana tactic, not a Kitty tactic, and so instead, she got up, closed the door behind Liz, and steered her to sit down with an arm around her shoulders.

"Well, an alien waitress wouldn't have been my first choice for sexy roleplay, but I'm sure he'll get over it," she said lightly, while her hand stroked over Liz's hair.

She blushed and buried her face in her hands again out of embarrassment, though Kitty's comment did seem to stop up the tears for a moment. She groaned. "I don't think I can ever face him again." She was beyond mortified.

"Hate to break it to you, sweetie, but it's a really small inn when you're trying to hide." Besides, Kitty had talked to them both about this after their first kiss.

She gave Liz a good solid hug and then drew her hands down from her face. "Tell me what happened."

She was so embarrassed.

Liz paused, pressing her lips together for a moment. "The egg came with this." She gestured down at her uniform. "And these photos... and some of them were - were photos taken by someone and there was one with me and Max, um. Lying on the ground. And then another where we were kissing."

She reached into her apron and pulled that one out. It was a little crumpled but she could find it easily. She held it out, eyes closed for a second. There were words on it 'Subject 1: Max Evans' and 'subject 2: Liz Parker' and on the back was an FBI stamp.

"So then I panciked because - because he shouldn't have to see that. And then things just... they got really intense and I was stupid and worried he was going to - I don't even know. And I --" She squeezed her eyes shut, her face feeling hot. "I put his hand on..." She couldn't even get the word out, so she gestured to her breasts.

Kitty let Liz get all the way through her story, then she worked her way backward through it to make sure she understood.

"Okay. Liz. It's not that I'm unsympathetic, because I know this feels like the end of the world. But stay with me here."

She tilted her head down to catch Liz's gaze and draw it back up to her own. "The Inn gave you pictures of you and Max. Your boyfriend who already knows about Max and has read your journals saw pictures of you doing something he already knows happened. You panicked and put his hand on your boob."

Kitty paused and then said, "He's a fifteen year-old guy. I'm pretty sure touching your breasts is going to be one of the best things that ever happens to him."

She flushed and held Kitty's gave despite wanting to crawl under the bed and hide. It sounded stupid when you said it out loud.

"He... Ran away. It freaked him out, I think." And she didn't blame him. It had been a sudden and weird thing to do, looking back on it even after so little time had passed.

"He even forgot his shoes. " Which had been abandoned inside her room near the front of the door when she started to cry.

This time Kitty tried to see it from Peter's perspective. Why run away? Instant ejaculation, embarrassing hard-on, "oh my god is she turned on by those pictures?" all occurred to her. She rejected the third out of hand because Peter was too sweet to even consider Liz trying Notebook him with amateur porn.

Worried that Liz was feeling guilty and not wanting her to do anything she regretted seemed pretty likely. Freaked out because it was a weird reaction, maybe. Scared they might do something he wasn't ready for seemed like a real possibility. Kitty didn't want to be unkind, but consent wasn't just for women.

"Well, yeah. Because even if it's something he might be into, you can't just assume like that. You have to talk about sex, and if you can't even say the word 'breast' to another woman, you definitely shouldn't be putting a boy's hands on yours."

She took Liz's hand and squeezed it. "It's not the end of the world, but you do owe Peter an apology."

It wasn't that she couldn't say the word, Liz just realized as she was about to say it that it was so embarrassing. She had no idea what she was thinking to just, be standing there upset with her boyfriend and to have him do that.

"I know... and I will." At some point when she didn't want to spontaneously combust from embarrassment.

"Do you think... things will change. Between us?" Like they were going to back home with Max. Like they did when Tess arrived.

"Do I think you'll break up over it?" Kitty assumed that was what she meant, and shook her head quickly. "No. If I had to guess, Peter's embarrassed the same as you are, and it'll take a couple of awkward sentences of 'I'm sorry', 'There's nothing to be sorry for', 'I shouldn't have', 'Don't worry about it' and everything will be fine."

She shrugged and reached over to straighten Liz's hair, tuck it behind her ear. "Do I think it'll change things? Probably. But relationships have to change or they die. If you do it right, apologizing and getting over the awkward and talking about how you feel guilty for loving Max and falling in love with Peter and about where you both are with sex, your relationship will be stronger than ever."

It somehow seemed to simple the way Kitty talked about everything. Like, of course it was no big deal and yeah, it was just going to be a awkward, but no-big-deal kind of talk.

At the mention of Max, Liz glanced down to her hands in her lap. The worst thing that could happen to her right now would be for Max to show up - what would she say to him? What would he do? What would Peter do?

She pushed that worry out of her mind, not for the first time.

"I guess I'm worried, um. that I'm not, you know. Showing him enough that I'm, with him." Did that make sense? "I tried getting perspectives from some of the other guys here, but I don't think they think the same way as Peter at all."

"Liz."

Kitty sighed and turned Liz's chin so she was looking at her.

"This is really important, okay? So I need you to listen. And really think about what I'm saying. Can you do that?"

She looked to Kitty, paused, and then nodded. "Yes." Kitty looked like she was going to call her stupid. Kind of like when Alex was going to re-explain something to Maria.

"Okay, good."

Of course, now it meant Kitty had to figure out the words for what she wanted to say.

"First of all, you are with him. Everyone in this Inn knows that. So if Peter doesn't, he's an imbecile. Second, if for some reason he is insecure about you and Max, or about Alec telling him you should be having sex, or whatever the fuck reason he has to be insecure about your feelings, you do not owe him proof. Third, if you are worried that he does feel uncertain, then you talk to him."

And this was the most important part, so she paused and held Liz's gaze. "Under NO circumstances, EVER, do you owe ANY man, woman, or donkey access to your body, as PROOF of your feelings. Are we clear?"

She nodded quietly almost like verbally agreeing at that moment would somehow break the lecture/advice that Kitty was imparting. Much like before, everything she says makes sense. Why it didn't seem so obvious to her before, she didn't know. Life was confusing.

"Yeah. No, you're right." She was and while Liz had done what she did, she didn't think she'd have gone much further than that just to prove something. "I think that's why I feel the most embarrassed. That's not - that isn't like me. I know I'd only have sex when I'm ready, not because I have to." Otherwise she'd have been pressured by Kyle when they were dating. Of course, he had changed a lot since then.

"We all do stupid things when emotions get involved, and we turn into blithering idiots when you add hormones to that," Kitty said more lightly, since Liz was radiating Message Received, sensei.

"It's okay to make a mistake or act weird or be 'not yourself'. The test of who you are as a person isn't whether you fuck up or not. It's what you do about after you do."

Liz took all that in and stored it. She knew she was going to have to talk to Peter. She didn't want things to go weird or get bad. Still, it was going to be hard.

But since Kitty had brought it up, and it had been more and more on her mind lately.

"...What's it like?" She paused, then had a moment of panicked regret. "I mean, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to tell me, but I don't know anyone who's actually, um, had sex before, even though Kyle used to pretend that he had. So, I was just wondering..."

"What's what like? Sex?"

Kitty laughed but managed not to collapse into a complete fit of it. Barely.

"How much detail do you want? I mean, I can tell you honestly that 90% of everyone's first time is fast, messy and unsatisfying. I guess it might be better with another woman, but with a guy, unless he's a lot more experienced than you, he finishes and you're like '...that's it?' Like it's supposed to be this big deal but it's over before you even know it's happening."

She didn't mind talking about it, and that was clear. "It's just kind of big topic. Give me a direction and I'll do what I can."

She blushed. Liz had actually had been given a similar talk by Maria's mother and her own mother had started a similar conversation back home after she and Max had gotten caught in the eraser room. Liz did think, however, that her first time with Peter might be a little different. He wasn't exactly like most boys.

God, what did she want to know? Things she couldn't ask her mother, really. Things she and Maria wondered out loud to each other, but neither of them had the answer to.

"What's it... feel like? I mean - ." Okay, it was really embarrassing and hard, even with Kitty. "both like, the actual feeling of, um, sex. but also his..." Why was it so hard to say penis? It was just a body part and yet, saying it out loud seemed impossible. Maybe because if she did, she'd be picturing Peter and that would be uncomfortable around Kitty. Or maybe just because she was admitting to thinking about it.

Just say it, Liz

"...His penis?" And a flush of new embarrassment flooded her and she scrunched her nose in a wince and wanted to hide under the covers of the bed.

"First of all, let me just say, I have no idea what Peter's penis feels like and I hope I never do." Because oh dear God.

But she didn't want to give Liz the chance to choke on that response and went on to say, "Are you serious, you've never masturbated? If you don't know how to get yourself off, how is he supposed to figure it out?"

That...really wasn't the point either, but God this was awkward. She tried to pull herself back to a more productive place. She cleared her throat. "It's...when you're kissing, you know that ache, that feeling like there's something you need? Penetrative sex is really good at quieting that ache. It's not an emotional thing. I mean, it can be, but mostly, it's physiology.

"It might hurt a little at first of if he's really big, but then it just feels like... well, usually, for me it feels like 'oh thank fuck', like a drink of water when you're thirsty. An orgasm feels like you're wound so tight you're going to break and then you do and it's a relief and release."

God, she was doing a really bad job of this. She sighed. "The best way to learn what it feels like is to use your fingers or a vibrator." Oh, she'd asked that other question. Right. Uh.

"Penises feel...like really soft skin over a thick finger with no knuckles." Worst. Description. Ever.

This was... exactly like having this conversation like her mother. Liz's face reddened and she buried her hands in her face for a moment.

"No, no. I know what - I do." Okay, so it was really weird admitting to someone else that you touched yourself. She wasn't a prude or anything, but that sort of thing seemed like it should be private. Still, she didn't use anything like a vibrator. Apart from not being able to buy one easily in Roswell, if her parents caught one in her room, she would probably literally die on the spot. Plus there was something about penetrating oneself before her first time that seemed... well, not wrong, but she didn't want to until she was actually sexually active.

"I just... I've never really seen one except in health class and those are drawings for labeling parts and -" Maybe it didn't matter. She was probably over-thinking this. "I just... I didn't want to look stupid if we ever...."

Kitty took a breath. Okay. This was something she could handle. Clear question, safe territory. She nodded and reached for the water bottle she kept handy. After taking a sip, she lowered it and her hands to her lap.

"You won't look stupid. Not to Peter. You're going to look like the most beautiful, most amazing thing he's ever seen, because he's a sweet, goofy, romantic teenaged boy who thinks you're perfect exactly how you are."

She turned the bottle in her hands and looked at the faded Madonna Inn logo. A year's worth of water had come to her through this piece of plastic. Weird thought. But it felt symbolic, or metonymous for her situation.

"The truth is, penises are kind of funny-looking. Even when they're hard. There are just a couple of important things to remember. One, they don't bend well when they're hard and that's a good way to really hurt a guy. Two, the skin is sensitive, you can touch and stroke without lubricant, but if your hand starts moving fast, add something slippery. Three, ask him what he likes. Put his hand over yours or yours over his and have him show you. It's hot, for one thing, but for another, it's a good way to get acquainted with a penis. And four, don't forget the balls. Some guys aren't into it, but the testicular sac can be really sensitive and deliberate touching can give a guy a lot of pleasure."

Liz took all that information in and tried to process it. She wasn't sure she had the guts to get Peter to show her how to touch him. At least on the first time, but it made sense. Peter would definitely know his way around his own body. As for the testicles... she had no idea what those even looked like since the diagrams made them look like eggs on paper.

"Thank you... I know it's, um. It's probably weird talking to me about stuff like this, but... I really appreciate it."

Eggspecations (Closed to Peter, then Kitty)

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