strangetrip | [Backdated April 28th] Frustrations

Entry tags:

[Backdated April 28th] Frustrations - OTA

Alec found himself walking down the hall tense and unable to really form a coherent thought except a lot of swearing directed toward Peter. He hadn't expected to punch the kid - to really punch the kid. Even when they fought in the parking lot, Alec had held back. That punch - he had meant to hurt Peter. And then after, when he had he was pissed off that Peter hadn't defended himself.

In his walking as he dwelled on the events that just transpired, Alec saw the vending machine. That damn vending machine.

He closed the distance between him and it and then Alec began to punch it. Not the glass - that would be too easy - Alec punched the metal. The metal dented with each hit, his knuckles getting raw and bloody quickly from it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Alec didn't actually even know most of the story and that was why, perhaps, he was more confused than normal. He exhaled. "The third person loves you too. You probably loved them at some point too, but they haven't been around for a while."

That sounded about right.. he thought anyways.

"Mm..." Corbie nodded and thought about it more. After a long moment she said, "That's hard. 'Cause you can say it'd work out like this, but feelings are shitty and tangled and complicated. Am I not in love with that man who came back anymore? Was I really in love with him in the first place? Was there a reason we couldn't be together, and is that reason still there? How long have I been with each of these men? Do any of these things actually matter when you're in the thick of it? It ain't a question with a logical answer, not for any of the people involved."

Edited 2018-05-03 19:15 (UTC)

For Alec it seemed more black and white. There were too many things to consider with Corbie's take on it and he couldn't begin to know the actual nuances.

"If it were me, I'd go to the ends of the Earth to try and hold onto your love." Normally a comment like that would have been accompanied by some look or tone that indicated a cheeky remark, but it seemed as if Alec couldn't quite make those yet and was simply sticking with the example given. "Anyone who wouldn't... I don't think they'd deserve you."

"How, though?" Corbie countered softly. "What do you actually do to hold onto someone's love when they're torn like that?"

"I don't know. I just can't imagine letting go easily and without trying. Just giving up right off the bat." His hands formed fists as he thought about it. Had he taken more control back home, maybe Rachel would still be alive back then. "I'd want you to know that I at least tried so you knew it was real."

Corbie only nodded, laying her hand over one of his clenched fists. He had told her about a girl once, a girl he'd killed that she was starting to suspect was far more than that, but it wasn't a leap she was ready to make right now. Instead she asked, "What brought this on?"

The good thing about Peter and Liz stuck out more than most with their dopey smiles and doe-eyes. Peter, especially. So it was easier to explain.

"Peter and I were talking and he said if Liz's ex showed up, he'd take a step back so they could be together. But it was how he said it. So... easily." His fist clenched a little tighter until her touch reminded him she was there and his fist seemed to relax a bit.

He paused.

"Then I punched him."

Corbie didn't know Peter very well, but she had seen how Illyana reacted to him and understood he could be a bit... much. This didn't seem to be the same thing, though. "Because you think he doesn't appreciate what he has?"

Was that it? Alec still hadn't really processed why he punched Peter. He thought about it for a moment.

"Yeah... yeah, I guess so." He paused. "Like it's just some temporary thing from the get go."

Corbie most definitely hadn't talked to Peter or Liz about their relationship--their adorably sappy and awkward relationship--but she wasn't actually trying to figure them out. She was trying to help Alec untangle what it was he saw in them that had set him off.

"Could be he's trying to cope with the idea in his own way. Something that messy, sometimes making it simple and thinking you'd know what to do, that's how you deal." If there was anything about Peter and Liz that was really clear, it was that they were both really new at this.

He thought about it as she spoke. Maybe it made some sense. Maybe it was like a briefing where you went over different tactical maneuvers in case the initial plan went south.

Alec looked down at his knuckles. They were showing signs of healing, though it would take time.

"I'm not -" He briefly wondered why he was talking so much to Corbie. This was probably the most he talked to anyone about something like this. "someone who can give up that easily."

"And you think he'd be giving up if he stepped aside," Corbie murmured.

She considered his hands. Then she got up briefly and went into her bathroom to get a wet washcloth. When she came back, she started to dab away at the blood. She should have before, but there were more pressing issues. Now that Alec at least seemed to be calming down, her focus didn't need to be so narrow.

"I don't think he's talking about giving up," she continued, as thought she hadn't gone. "I think it sounds like he's trying to think of her. And that takes a lot of strength, too. Stepping aside takes courage. Though I'll point out, neither of you can tell Liz what she wants if it does happen."

Edited 2018-05-05 18:38 (UTC)

He knew that, of course. He also knew he didn't actually know Liz very well except she was nice and brainy and had an alien ex-boyfriend apparently.

Alec watched at Corbie dabbed at his hands. She didn't have to do this. In fact, she didn't have to do any of this.

"I just wish the kid could see how damn lucky he is."

Now they were coming to it. Possibly. Because it wasn't a couple of kids that had gotten him so riled up. Corbie only shifted her attention from one hand to the other. "Why?" she asked simply. "He's crazy about that girl. I think he's got some idea."

It was easier to watch her work and focus on that, than anything else in the room, than actually acknowledging what they were talking about.

"He doesn't know what it's like to lose it." He paused and surprised himself by adding, "I don't want him to lose that."

Alec didn't even really realize he care that much about Peter. Maybe it was because the kid had this optimism to him that he never saw before. He didn't want Peter's light to burn out.

Corbie could point out that they were sixteen and people rarely stayed with who they fell for at sixteen, but that wasn't the point. Already pondering her options for her next move, she asked, "He hit a nerve, didn't he?"

There was a long pause. His hands tensed a little and for a moment he almost stopped breathing.

"...Yeah." He felt guilt rush into him like dam opening up and he couldn't look up to her. He stayed focused on his knuckles.

That decided it. Corbie tossed the washcloth toward the bathroom, knowing that like all things towel-related it would resolve itself soon enough. Then she flopped back on her bed, putting a hand at the back of his head to draw him down to her. "Come here."

Alec let himself be guided down to her chest. She was warm and easy to center on. Alec's eyes closed and he could hear her heartbeat easily with his enhanced senses. He focused on her heartbeat, slow and steady. Suddenly it reminded him of the machine attached to Rachel, monitoring her vitals. He tensed again and without though uttered in an exhale. "I killed her."

Corbie stroked her fingers through his hair, content to lie quiet for a minute. She had expected to have to ask him directly, or draw it out of him. Not this. "That girl you told me about at the dance?" she asked softly.

He nodded just barely and closed his eyes. With an eidetic memory, every moment he had spent with her was clear in his mind. He could even remember her smell.

"She trusted me and I killed her."

And it was tearing him up from the inside. Corbie kissed the top of his head, her fingers continuing their slow movement. "Tell me about her?" The words lifted up into a question, but only barely. It wasn't quite a request or a command. A suggestion, perhaps.

There was silence for a long time, like maybe he wasn't going to answer at all. Then he heard his voice fill the space despite himself.

"She was beautiful. Smart. Eager to learn. Loved her father and wanted to make him proud.... and she was fearless. She knew we shouldn't be more than teacher and student, but that didn't stop her."

And still, Corbie didn't push him. There were men and situations where telling them to spit out what was bugging them would work fine. With Alec, she suspected if she got confrontational, he would turn it into a fight. So she didn't. She lay there and she held him, like she suspected had happened not as often as he had really needed. "What were you teaching her?"

"Piano." He could hear Chapin in his mind. He swallowed hard, the words pushing through him tensely. "My objective was to gain her trust to steal intel. I got too close. We -" His fingers curled lightly into the fabric of her top as if he were holding onto her in to steady himself.

"It was my first undercover op. I'd never... been around a woman that wasn't a soldier before."

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie

Re: Alec & Corbie