strangetrip | [Backdated April 28th] Frustrations

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[Backdated April 28th] Frustrations - OTA

Alec found himself walking down the hall tense and unable to really form a coherent thought except a lot of swearing directed toward Peter. He hadn't expected to punch the kid - to really punch the kid. Even when they fought in the parking lot, Alec had held back. That punch - he had meant to hurt Peter. And then after, when he had he was pissed off that Peter hadn't defended himself.

In his walking as he dwelled on the events that just transpired, Alec saw the vending machine. That damn vending machine.

He closed the distance between him and it and then Alec began to punch it. Not the glass - that would be too easy - Alec punched the metal. The metal dented with each hit, his knuckles getting raw and bloody quickly from it.

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He had been so in his head - a tactical mistake if he had been back in training - that he didn't hear or notice Corbie until she spoke. He turned his head, surprise registering there, and then suddenly he realized he felt the heated sting behind his eyes and they began to water as he just dumbly stood there.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Without a word or any thought, Corbie came in to close the space between them and reached up to touch his face. It was--the touch aside--the sort of thing she'd often done with Felix, simultaneously closing ranks to offer the support of her presence and creating a shield to hide this humiliation. She tipped her head to one side, an unspoken question. What's wrong?

Alec stared at her. The muscles in his jaw worked overtime as he tried to rein in everything, but when she touched him he felt his chest tighten. There was just the faintest of quivers on his lip and then he lowered his head to rest his forehead on her shoulder and for the first time in a long time Alec silently wept.

Oh, shit.

But Corbie didn't hesitate. When Alec lowered his head and she felt the shake of his body and the tears wetting her shoulder, her arms went up around him and she quietly combed her fingers through his hair, murmuring close to his ear. "Shh... I've got you."

He remained like that for a good long minute or two before he was able to finally find some control over his emotions and the crying slowed to a stop. Alec slowly lifted his head, looking at her. His eyes were red, but they were quickly returning to normal - a side effect of his regeneration meant physical recovery was quick.

He swallowed hard and when he spoke, he voice was hoarse. "Sorry..."

Corbie shook her head. "Don't apologize." And even though the red was leaving his eyes and the raw points were healing on his knuckles, she still took his hand, gave it a little tug, and said, "C'mon. We're going to my room."

Alec nodded, able to manage that though he wasn't sure why he was agreeing. Maybe it was just to get out of the hallway so no one could see him like this. Maybe it was because the thought of Corbie's room meant safe. Maybe both.

In any case, Alec acquiesces and lets Corbie take the lead.

Certainly the first reason was why Corbie made this decision, since whatever else had happened, Alec was overwhelmed if he'd actually melted down like that, and out in the open. So she squeezed his hand and, walking briskly but not hurrying, she led him up to her own room where they'd at least have privacy and he could regroup.

She sat him down on the bed, ignoring any possible implications in the gesture. The only furniture she had was the bed, the couch, and a desk. She could pick the couch, if that didn't seem too deliberately throwing up boundaries.

Still holding his hand, she plopped down next to him. "What happened?"

While normally sitting on a bed would produce a smirk or an eye waggle or even a glint in his eyes, Alec simply sat as if processing something completely different than Corbie on the bed.

What had happened?

It took him a long moment to find his voice and gather a coherent thought.

"If you loved someone and they loved you back. And someone else came and complicated things." He almost looked confused as he talked about it because he simply wasn't used to talking about anything remotely like this. He might have also sounded a little bit like a child asking a grown up for advice. "Would you want the first person to just give you up?"

While he was thinking, Corbie moved her thumb quietly over the back of his hand, a soft little stroke back and forth. She didn't try to prompt him or rush him.

The question was unexpected, but not one that threw her. A lot of men came to her specifically to escape the reality of their bitchy wives or girls who had rejected them, but sometimes after doing what they'd paid her for, they asked her questions like this. Corbie was sure she'd heard as many confessions as most any intended with the same amount of experience.

She didn't rush to answer, either, turning the question over in her mind. "I dunno. Why's that third person so complicated?"

Alec didn't actually even know most of the story and that was why, perhaps, he was more confused than normal. He exhaled. "The third person loves you too. You probably loved them at some point too, but they haven't been around for a while."

That sounded about right.. he thought anyways.

"Mm..." Corbie nodded and thought about it more. After a long moment she said, "That's hard. 'Cause you can say it'd work out like this, but feelings are shitty and tangled and complicated. Am I not in love with that man who came back anymore? Was I really in love with him in the first place? Was there a reason we couldn't be together, and is that reason still there? How long have I been with each of these men? Do any of these things actually matter when you're in the thick of it? It ain't a question with a logical answer, not for any of the people involved."

Edited 2018-05-03 19:15 (UTC)

For Alec it seemed more black and white. There were too many things to consider with Corbie's take on it and he couldn't begin to know the actual nuances.

"If it were me, I'd go to the ends of the Earth to try and hold onto your love." Normally a comment like that would have been accompanied by some look or tone that indicated a cheeky remark, but it seemed as if Alec couldn't quite make those yet and was simply sticking with the example given. "Anyone who wouldn't... I don't think they'd deserve you."

"How, though?" Corbie countered softly. "What do you actually do to hold onto someone's love when they're torn like that?"

"I don't know. I just can't imagine letting go easily and without trying. Just giving up right off the bat." His hands formed fists as he thought about it. Had he taken more control back home, maybe Rachel would still be alive back then. "I'd want you to know that I at least tried so you knew it was real."

Corbie only nodded, laying her hand over one of his clenched fists. He had told her about a girl once, a girl he'd killed that she was starting to suspect was far more than that, but it wasn't a leap she was ready to make right now. Instead she asked, "What brought this on?"

The good thing about Peter and Liz stuck out more than most with their dopey smiles and doe-eyes. Peter, especially. So it was easier to explain.

"Peter and I were talking and he said if Liz's ex showed up, he'd take a step back so they could be together. But it was how he said it. So... easily." His fist clenched a little tighter until her touch reminded him she was there and his fist seemed to relax a bit.

He paused.

"Then I punched him."

Corbie didn't know Peter very well, but she had seen how Illyana reacted to him and understood he could be a bit... much. This didn't seem to be the same thing, though. "Because you think he doesn't appreciate what he has?"

Was that it? Alec still hadn't really processed why he punched Peter. He thought about it for a moment.

"Yeah... yeah, I guess so." He paused. "Like it's just some temporary thing from the get go."

Corbie most definitely hadn't talked to Peter or Liz about their relationship--their adorably sappy and awkward relationship--but she wasn't actually trying to figure them out. She was trying to help Alec untangle what it was he saw in them that had set him off.

"Could be he's trying to cope with the idea in his own way. Something that messy, sometimes making it simple and thinking you'd know what to do, that's how you deal." If there was anything about Peter and Liz that was really clear, it was that they were both really new at this.

He thought about it as she spoke. Maybe it made some sense. Maybe it was like a briefing where you went over different tactical maneuvers in case the initial plan went south.

Alec looked down at his knuckles. They were showing signs of healing, though it would take time.

"I'm not -" He briefly wondered why he was talking so much to Corbie. This was probably the most he talked to anyone about something like this. "someone who can give up that easily."

"And you think he'd be giving up if he stepped aside," Corbie murmured.

She considered his hands. Then she got up briefly and went into her bathroom to get a wet washcloth. When she came back, she started to dab away at the blood. She should have before, but there were more pressing issues. Now that Alec at least seemed to be calming down, her focus didn't need to be so narrow.

"I don't think he's talking about giving up," she continued, as thought she hadn't gone. "I think it sounds like he's trying to think of her. And that takes a lot of strength, too. Stepping aside takes courage. Though I'll point out, neither of you can tell Liz what she wants if it does happen."

Edited 2018-05-05 18:38 (UTC)

He knew that, of course. He also knew he didn't actually know Liz very well except she was nice and brainy and had an alien ex-boyfriend apparently.

Alec watched at Corbie dabbed at his hands. She didn't have to do this. In fact, she didn't have to do any of this.

"I just wish the kid could see how damn lucky he is."

Now they were coming to it. Possibly. Because it wasn't a couple of kids that had gotten him so riled up. Corbie only shifted her attention from one hand to the other. "Why?" she asked simply. "He's crazy about that girl. I think he's got some idea."

It was easier to watch her work and focus on that, than anything else in the room, than actually acknowledging what they were talking about.

"He doesn't know what it's like to lose it." He paused and surprised himself by adding, "I don't want him to lose that."

Alec didn't even really realize he care that much about Peter. Maybe it was because the kid had this optimism to him that he never saw before. He didn't want Peter's light to burn out.

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